THE SOVEREIGN ACTS OF GOD IN MY LIFE BEGAN IN:
1969: STRONG WINDS BEGAN BOWING THE TREES AT A BOYSCOUT
CAMPFIRE MEETING AS WE SANG “KUM BA YA” [“COME BY HERE, LORD”]. UPON
INQUIRY, DISCOVERED THAT NO ONE SAW THE BOWED TREES ENCIRCLING US NOR HEARD
THE WINDS BUT ME. UPON LEAVING, I WAS APPROACHED BY AN UNKNOWN PERSON
WHO I NOW BELIEVE WAS AN ANGEL WHO ASKED ME IF I HEARD THAT WIND.
THE NEXT WEEK I RECEIVED:
THE BAPTISM IN THE HOLY SPIRIT WITH SPEAKING IN TONGUES WITH NO TEACHING OF IT - FULFILLING IN MY LIFE THE FEAST OF PENTECOST AND BEGINNING JOURNEY OF INDIVIDUATION (SEPARATION FROM THE WORLD); REST FROM THE PHYSICAL (BODY) REALM, THE OUTER COURT OF THE TEMPLE; FROM THE WAYS OF THE FLESH AND THE WORLD, LEADING INTO THE HOLY PLACE.
1970: IN THE SPRING OF THAT YEAR, JUST PRIOR TO
RETIRING FROM A MILITARY CAREER, MY HUSBAND AND I CAME TO THIS AREA LOOKING
FOR A HOME. WE FOUND A LOVELY ONE SITUATED ALMOST AT THE TOP OF A
HILLSIDE, IN THE APPALACHIAN MOUNTAIN CHAIN OF THE SOUTHERN TIER OF NEW
THIS HOME STOOD OUT FROM THE OTHERS WE LOOKED AT AS IT WAS NOT ONLY ATTRACTIVE BUT IT WAS ALSO NEWLY BUILT AND WAS JUST BEING PUT ON THE MARKET.
AFTER RETURNING TO OUR MILITARY BASE, BEING NEW TO SEEKING A WORD FROM GOD, I WENT TO THE BIBLE TO SEE IF HE WOULD GIVE ME A WORD THAT THAT HOUSE WOULD BE MINE. I PICKED UP THE BIBLE, TURNED MY HEAD AWAY AND SIMPLY OPENED IT. IT FELL OPEN TO ISAIAH 2:2: “IT SHALL COME TO PASS IN THE LAST DAYS, [THAT] THE MOUNTAIN OF THE LORD’S HOUSE SHALL BE ESTABLISHED IN THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAINS, AND SHALL BE EXALTED ABOVE THE HILLS, AND ALL NATIONS SHALL FLOW UNTO IT.”
MY HEART LEAPT AS IT SEEMED TO POINT TO THE LOVELY NEW ONE. I WAS SO SPEECHLESS, I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT SO I CLOSED THE BIBLE, TURNED MY HEAD AGAIN AND OPENED THE BIBLE AGAIN WITHOUT LOOKING. IT FELL OPEN THIS TIME, I SAW, TO MICAH 4.1: “BUT IN THE LAST DAYS IT SHALL COME TO PASS, [THAT] THE MOUNTAIN OF THE HOUSE OF THE LORD SHALL BE ESTABLISHED IN THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAINS, AND IT SHALL BE EXALTED ABOVE THE HILLS, AND PEOPLE SHALL FLOW UNTO IT.”
I WAS “ON MY FACE” BEFORE GOD! WHO COULD DO SUCH A THING. I WAS FAMILIAR WITH ISAIAH 2 – ALBEIT IN ANOTHER CONTEXT! – BUT THE SAME SCRIPTURE IN MICAH? UNBELIEVEABLE. THIS WAS EXTRAORDINARY TO A BABE IN CHRIST!
NOT ONLY DID WE GET THE HOUSE, BUT THE BUILDER LET US
MOVE INTO IT WITH NO APPROVAL FOR MORTGAGE OR DOWN PAYMENT! UNHEARD
OF. THE SCRIPTURE ALSO TURNED OUT TO BE PROPHETIC IN ANOTHER WAY
I COULD NOT HAVE CONCEIVED: THAT HOME BECAME THE PLACE FROM WHICH
I TAUGHT BIBLE STUDIES AND HUNDREDS MOVED THROUGH TO MY AMAZEMENT.
PEOPLE OF ALL DENOMINATIONS. I MEET PEOPLE TO THIS DAY WHO THANK
ME, TELLING ME THEY HAD SAT UNDER MY TEACHINGS WHEN AS YET I CANNOT REMEMBER
THEM. AMAZING GRACE HOW SWEET THE SOUND THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE
HERE BEGINS A PARTIAL REVIEW WITH ME BY THE BELOVED OF VISIONS AND DREAMS OF MAJOR IMPORT IN MY LIFE [BETWEEN 1970 AND 1973]:
ONE NIGHT, AS I LAY IN BED, I BECAME AWARE OF THE PRESENCE OF JESUS "STANDING" BY MY BED IN THE NIGHT. I WAS IMMOBILIZED IN AWE BUT KNEW THAT IF I PUT OUT MY HAND I WOULD BE ABLE TO TOUCH HIS GARMENTS.
ANOTHER NIGHT, I HEARD THE MOST HEAVENLY HARP MUSIC ABOVE MY RIGHT EAR. SUCH MUSIC DOES NOT EXIST IN THE EARTH.
I AWOKE ONE NIGHT TO THE SMELL OF A SWEET AND MOST LOVELY FRAGRANCE WHICH I LATER LEARNED WAS LILY OF THE VALLEY WHEN I WAS GIVEN SUCH A PLANT.
I HAD AN EXTRAORDINARY DREAM OF THE SUN DIPPING DOWN AND
PEERING THROUGH MY BOW WINDOW LOOKING FOR ME AT 9 W. GLANN ROAD
IN A VISION, WHILE IN MY KITCHEN AT 9 W. GLANN ROAD, I WAS CAUGHT “AWAY” TO “WITNESS” THE END OF THE WORLD. I RAN FROM THE “SIGHT” OF IT. [FEAST OF TRUMPETS, AN ALERT, A WARNING]. I LATER LEARNED THROUGH EXPERIENCE THAT THE END OF THE WORLD I WITNESSED WAS METAPHORICAL FOR THE END OF MY OWN WORLD, MY OWN FLESH, MY OWN EARTH NATURE.
IN A DREAM, I WITNESSED THE RETURN OF JESUS AND MY HORRIFIED
AWARENESS THAT I WAS “NAKED”. I SAW MYSELF ATTEMPTING TO COVER MY
NAKEDNESS IN SHAME BEFORE HIS PRESENCE, TO COVER MY CORRUPT CONDITION WHICH
HIS BRIGHTNESS EXPOSED. I KNEW THEN I WAS UNREADY – UNCLEAN - FOR
THE RETURN OF THE LORD. THIS DREAM WAS MOST IMPACTFUL ON MY LIFE
AND I SOUGHT FROM THEN ON HOW I MIGHT BECOME TRULY HOLY AND READY FOR HIS
1973-1977 BAPTISM BY FIRE [LUKE
3:16] WITH NO TEACHING OF IT AND NOT EVEN BEING AWARE THAT SUCH WAS ALSO
A PROMISED GIFT OF THE HOLY GHOST, I WAS BROUGHT TO BEGIN THE JOURNEY INTO
UNION WITH GOD – THIS, TOO, AN UNHEARD OF PROMISE FROM JESUS, OF WHICH
I WAS UNAWARE (JOHN 14:23). FOR THREE AND A HALF YEAR, THERE ENSUED
THE MOST AWFUL MOMENT BY MOMENT SCOURGING AND CHASTENING BY THE LORD [HEB.
12:6] IN ORDER TO ENTER INTO REST FROM THE SOUL REALM, THE REALM OF THE
INTELLECT, EMOTIONS, THE WILL: THE PLACE OF UNKNOWN, RELENTLESS SELF-CENTEREDNESS,
LEADING TO UNRESERVEDLY SERVING THE NEEDS OF OTHERS. [I NOW KNOW
THIS TO CORRELATE WITH THE DAY OF ATONEMENT, LEADING FROM THE HOLY PLACE
AND POINTING TO THE MOST HOLY PLACE SHOULD ONE ENDURE TO THE END – MATT.
10:22; 1 PET 4:17; REV 2:26;]
HE “WROTE” A SONG THROUGH ME TO EXPRESS:within Your rms.
When there's nothing left of me to give
'Cause I've given all of me away to others –
Just let me rest and feel Your love for me -
Let me live within Your Arms
When Life's cares and woes around me swirl,
Your nearness is my source of strength –
Believing in me when I had no faith,
You let me live within Your Arms.
You say I'm strong? Well, maybe now;
If so, then You have taught me how;
It's taken pain to come this far.
From now on we are winning -
Our lives are just beginning.
The future's ours for us to share.
If this day one wish I would be given
There is no doubt but what I’d ask for:
I would not ask for any wealth or fame
But just to live my life – within Your Arms.
THREE AND A HALF YEARS LATER, THE MOST EXTRAORDINARY, UNEXPECTED, UNANTICIPATED EVENT:
JANUARY 2, 1977 [BETWEEN 2 AND 3PM ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON] LITERALLY TAKEN INTO THE BAPTISM INTO HOLINESS - CONSUMMATION OF SPIRITUAL MARRIAGE; MANIFESTATION OF SPIRITUAL UNION WITH NO TEACHING OF IT: FULFILLING THE SONG OF SONGS [FEAST OF TABERNACLES: MOST HOLY PLACE, ENTERING IN BEHIND THE VEIL [WHICH I NOW KNOW TO BE THROUGH AND BEYOND THE FLESH LIFE]; BROUGHT INTO THE SECRET PLACE OF THE MOST HIGH (PSA. 91);]; THE ENTERING INTO THE SABBATH REST [SPIRIT] – THE
CEASING FROM ONE’S OWN WORKS INTO “NOT I BUT CHRIST”.
FROM DEATH INTO LIFE. [REV. 2:7; 2:17; 3:12; 3:21; REV 19:7, 8, 9]
THE BELOVED “WROTE” ANOTHER SONG THROUGH ME:
Oh, to live again, my Lord! Oh, 'tis wonderful, my Lord -
To look back o'er my path and see all was designed for me
That I might learn to love and live like Thee!
The endless pain, the agony of my own dark Gethsemane -
Oh--the deep, dark sealed tomb of self's own barren womb!
To live again is victory sweet, my Precious Lord.
I drank the bitter cup in fellowship with Thee.
My Lord, my God and King, I know the agony
Of Self and Will destroyed that Love might then be employed
To know Thy paths, Thy Ways I sought, my Lord.
Oh, too wonderful, my Lord, to live and reign with Thee, my Lord!
How could I ever know that pain could bless me so;
That deeper depths are but the steps to Heavenly places go?
To rise, to see Thy Face, my Lord! Beside Thee take my place, my Lord;
No price too much to ask, nor none too low the task
To rise to Heavenly Heights, to Thy Throne, O God.
Oh, yes, to rise again - my Lord - with Thee to reign,
Self crucified! Love did the victory gain!
To come out from my grave victor o'er sin's dark cave -
Oh, yes, to live again,
To see Thy Word come true -
Do all You said You'd do.
To face the Son, the victory won—
TO LIVE AGAIN IN HEAVEN ON EARTH
MY LOVE, MY LORD!h****in
The Beloved led me to write my perspective of this long,
difficult and painful Journey from Earth to Heaven-on-Earth using a metaphor
of a caterpillar. He first prepared me by allowing me to witness
the miraculous privilege of the slowing down the metamorphosis of a particular
caterpillar chrysalis given me by a friend. I had not even an inkling
that He had so gifted me with the chrysalis so that I might behold this
change that normally takes place in the twinkling of an eye, a process
that is normally too quick to see. It lasted as I observed it for
at least an hour as I recall it these many years later. He awoke
me from a dead sleep just as the chrysalis began its miraculous change.
I write here of the normal chain of events :
I watched a small caterpillar climb the mountainside of a glass jar, simply going where its level of awareness was taking it, taking the chance to fling itself off the precipice of the lid, where it hung until it began, by its own initiative, to destroy its lesser self--casting forth from itself by much urgent struggling, the caterpillar skin, leaving it encased in a pale green tomb.
It must have been terribly dark, painfully cramped inside, from the caterpillar's perspective; but an outside observer could see, whenever the light of day struck it, the flecks of gold scattered upon its outer surface, making it appear to be a tiny gem hanging out in space. Silently, suffering alone, it hung there. One day, the observer could see a strange phenomenon taking place: the chrysalis was becoming transparent, and in place of a little caterpillar, the markings of another image could be seen--a foreshadowing of things to come.
One day, in a flash, so quick that if you had turned away but for a moment you would have missed it, a discarded shell hung in space and a lovely Monarch butterfly came forth. What had been, just a split second before, a worm in a tomb to the unbelieving eye, was no longer an earth-bound creature - no longer a lowly, fragmented self-consciousness, but a free, soaring spirit!
BE ENCOURAGED, FELLOW TRAVELLER,
BY THE TRIALS OF YOUR FAITH YOU ARE CURRENTLY UNDERGOING! SUCH ARE THE HOLY WORKINGS OF A HOLY GOD AS HE BRINGS US UNTO HIMSELF ---BEHIND THE VEIL.
LOOK UP AND REJOICE:
YOUR FULL REDEMPTION – IN THE IMAGE OF THE SON OF GOD -
A REVIEW WITH ME BY THE BELOVED OF EVENTS OF MOMENTOUS OCCASION IN MY LIFE FROM AROUND 1972 TO 1977:
I WAS AWAY ON A SINGING ENGAGEMENT AT WEST POINT
AND PRAYER WAS ASKED ON MY BEHALF AT A [BINGHAMTON FGBMFI] MEETING.
INTERNATIONAL SPEAKER/PROPHETESS ROXANNE BRANT PROPHESIED OVER ME IN ABSENTIA
ABOUT SEEING ME AS A TREE IN A GROVE OF TREES BUT ONE HIGHER AND MORE EXPOSED
THAN THE OTHERS AND GOD GOING TO USE ME BUT THAT STRONG WINDS WOULD BUFFET
AROUND THE TIME OF 1972 OR ’73, PROPHESY WAS GIVEN OVER
ME FOR ME AND MY FAMILY [FULL GOSPEL MEETING I BELIEVE IN CORTLAND, NY]
“YOU AND YOUR FAMILY SHALL SERVE THE LORD TOGETHER”. AT THE TIME,
I COULD HAVE LAUGHED AS SARAH BECAUSE NONE WAS INTERESTED IN SERVING THE
LORD AT THAT TIME. THE PROPHECY HAS SINCE BEEN FULFILLED FOR ONE
SON LEFT A SUCCESSFUL CORPORATE JOB AND BECAME A PASTOR. THE OTHER
SON WAS ASKED TO BE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD OF AN INTERNATIONAL BIBLE DISSEMINATION
AGENCY DUE TO HIS IMPRESSIVE VOLUNTEER WORK FOR THEM.
PUBLICLY “SAT DOWN” WHILE MINISTERING AT A ….. …….. CONFERENCE AS THEY DISAGREED WITH WHAT THE LORD HAD GIVEN ME TO SAY [I WAS ANATHEMA THEREAFTER; HOWEVER, YEARS LATER I WAS PUBLICLY APOLOGIZED TO].
THUNDEROUS RAINSTORM BEGAN AS I SANG A SOLO AT ST. MARGARET MARY’S CATHOLIC CHURCH IN APALACHIN, NY AT AN AFRICAN RELIEF BENEFIT. THE STORM STOPPED IMMEDIATELY UPON THE LAST NOTE OF MY SONG.
THUNDEROUS RAINSTORM BEGAN WHEN HE GAVE ME TONGUES AND INTERPRETATION AT A BAPTIST WOMEN’S GROUP REREAT IN CANADA AND STOPPED IMMEDIATELY UPON CESSATION OF THE INTERPRETATION. I LEARNED LATER THAT THE RETREAT, CO-INCIDENTALLY, OCCURRED ON SEPTEMBER 6, 1975. THAT WAS THE DATE OF ROSH HOSHANA THAT YEAR, THE FEAST OF TRUMPETS WHEN THE SHOFAR IS BLOWN. THE TONGUES AND INTERPRETATION CAUSED A FUROR AT THE BAPTIST MEETING. I WAS BOTH MORTIFIED FOR THEM AS I KNEW THEY WOULD SO DISTRESSED ABOUT THIS AND I LOVED THEM BUT I WAS NOW YIELDED TO GOD AND, THOUGH I SUFFERED FOR THEM, I WAS ALSO SUFFERING GREATLY UNDER HIS STRIPPING FROM ME THE FEAR OF THE FACE OF MAN AND I COULD NOT BUT OBEY. DUE TO HIS BLESSED FAVOR AND PURPOSE, THERE WERE LIVES TOUCHED AND CHANGED THERE BECAUSE OF THE MANIFESTATION OF THE GIFTS OF THE SPIRIT. ALL PRAISE BE UNTO HIM WHO ALONE IS GOD. IT CAUSED A FUROR IN THE CHURCH WHEN WE RETURNED FROM THE RETREAT AND MANY FEARED A CHURCH SPLIT, BUT GOD AGAIN BROUGHT PEACE AND FAVOR FOR WHICH I PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME. HE DOETH ALL THINGS WELL.
RETURNING FROM MINISTERING IN UPSTATE NEW YORK, GOD SENT
A CAR TO LEAD A FRIEND NAMED HOPE AND ME OUT OF BLINDING SNOWSTORM ON A
THRUWAY WHEN ALL TRAFFIC, UNBEKNOWNST TO US, HAD BEEN ORDERED OFF AND MANY
TRAILERS AND CARS WERE AT A STANDSTILL.
WE COULD NOT SEE EVEN TO PULL OVER IN THE HEAVY BLINDING SNOWSTORM FOR WE COULD NOT SEE AN INCH IN FRONT OF US. SUDDENLY A CAR CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND, WITH RED TAILLIGHTS BLAZING, PULLED IN FRONT OF US AND WE WERE ABLE TO FOLLOW THOSE LIGHTS. THAT CAR EXITED THE MOMENT WE CAME OUT OF THE SNOWSTORM.
REQUIRED TO GO THROUGH SURGERY WITH NO ANESTHETIC NOR ANTIBIOTIC. HE DID NOT ALLOW ME TO REQUEST PAINKILLERS, EITHER. UNBEARABLE SUFFERING.
CRITICALLY ILL WITH HIGH FEVER AND TOLD TO “LOOK UPON THE BRAZEN SERPENT”. THAT IF I CALLED A PHYSICIAN, I WOULD DIE.
BECOMING ANATHEMA IN SOME ARENAS. ALSO EVENTUALLY
TO BE REQUIRED OF ME WAS THE END OF A CONCERT STAGE CAREER AS A CLASSICAL
CONCERT SOPRANO THAT HAD SPANNED THREE CONTINENTS.
THEN WAS REQUIRED OF ME THE END OF THE SPIRITUAL CONCERTS SO AS TO WALK IN TOTAL OBEDIENCE TO HIM AND TO BE SHUT IN WITH HIM AND HIM ALONE. FREELY TAKEN, FREELY GIVEN. HE IS ALL A SOUL COULD EVER, EVER DESIRE.
AFTER UNION WITH GOD IN 1977, BEGAN THE WALKING AND TALKING FACE TO FACE AND NOSE TO NOSE WITH THE LORD, BEING TAUGHT OF HIM AND HAVING SCRIPTURES EXPLAINED TO ME FROM GOD’S POINT OF VIEW. HE BEGAN OPENING THE MYSTERIES IN THE SCRIPTURES WHICH HAS ONLY INCREASED UNTIL THIS VERY DAY, GOING DEEPER AND DEEPER INTO UNTOLD, UNFATHOMABLE UNDERSTANDING.
Shortly after 1977, He gave a most vividly clear vision (dream) of me carrying a BIG, FAT, HEALTHY BABY into the Church after I had spent time bathing it and cleaning its private parts. Its genitalia was both the male and the female organs. It was neither male, neither female. It was androgynous. It reminds me of Genesis 1:27 which says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him, male and female created he them.” This dream’s clarity has never left me:
It was made apparent to me that I would bear a child.
I believe this to be a spiritual child. It was to be a male child,
a HUGE baby – healthy in every respect. I, in that vision, was washing
[cleansing] it, particularly paying attention to make certain that its
genital area – the organ [region] of “intimacy” – was especially clean.
After its cleansing and growth had reached a certain healthy, robust stage,
I carried this huge baby into the Church. I believe this particular
vision – of countless many – He burned upon my consciousness, showing the
AGENDA HE was setting as THE MAIN AGENDA for my life.
(AROUND 1983 OR SO) FULL GOSPEL MEETING SPEAKER WAS TO BE SPEED WILSON. I WAS PREPARING TO GO WITH HOPE TO HEAR HIM WHEN GOD TOLD ME I WOULD BE THE SPEAKER SO PREPARE FOR IT. FULL GOSPEL DIDN’T HAVE WOMEN SPEAKERS AT THEIR LOCAL DINNER MEETINGS BUT I TOOK NOTES AND PLACED THEM IN MY PURSE. TOLD HOPE ON THE WAY TO THE MEETING WHAT GOD HAD TOLD ME, THAT SPEED WILSON WOULD NOT MAKE IT AND I WOULD BE THE SPEAKER. WE WERE BOTH IN AWE. WE SAT AT A TABLE OF MEMBERS AND THEIR WIVES AND GOD HAD ME TELL THEM THAT SPEED WILSON WOULD NOT MAKE IT AND I WOULD BE THE SPEAKER. THE MEN LOOKED ASKANCE. WE ALL SAT AND WATCHED AS THE MEETING DIDN’T BEGIN ON TIME AND THE FGBM LEADERSHIP WENT FROM MALE TO MALE. WE WATCHED EACH SHAKE THEIR HEADS. LEADERSHIP WOULD GO OUT OF THE ROOM EACH TIME AND RETURN AND GO TO ANOTHER. FINALLY, WE SAW THEM HEAD TO OUR TABLE AND THE PRESIDENT KNELT DOWN BESIDE ME AND ASKED IF GOD HAD A MESSAGE FOR THEM. I TOLD THEM THAT GOD HAD TOLD ME THAT SPEED WILSON WOULD NOT GET THERE. THEY TOLD US THEY HAD RECEIVED A CALL THAT SPEED WILSON’S PLANE WAS HELD UP DUE TO POOR WEATHER CONDITIONS AND ASKED WHY I DID NOT TELL THEM. I TOLD THEM I TOLD THOSE AT THE TABLE AND WE WAITED CONFIRMATION, THAT IT HAD TO COME FROM THEM. THEY THEN ASKED IF I WOULD SPEAK AND I PULLED MY NOTES FROM MY PURSE TO SHOW THEM. I SPOKE ABOUT THERE NOT BEING A RAPTURE TO TAKE THE CHURCH OUT BEFORE TRIBULATION BUT THAT AN INDIVIDUAL TRIBULATION WOULD TAKE PLACE IN LIVES GIVEN OVER TO GOD FOR SCOURGING AND CHASTENING IN ORDER TO COME INTO UNION WITH GOD. MANY WERE BLESSED FOR IT WAS AN ANSWER FOR THEIR INTENSE SUFFERINGS WITHOUT REASON.
IN THE LATE 70s, THE LORD REVEALED TO ME THAT REFINED SUGAR WAS A POISON FOR THE BODILY SYSTEM OF MAN. HE GAVE ME A VISION OF SUGAR. IT APPEARED AS REPULSIVE “MAGGOTS” THAT WOULD DEVOUR THE HEALTH OF THE PHYSICAL ORGANISM. THIS WAS FULLY 20 YEARS BEFORE IT BECAME KNOWN HOW POISONOUS REFINED SUGAR AND SUGAR PRODUCTS ARE TO THE HEALTH OF HUMANKIND. I CHANGED MY EATING HABITS AND AVOIDED REFINED SUGAR PRODUCTS AND CAUTIONED OTHERS TO DO SO.
IN THE 80s, GOD REVEALED TO ME THAT NUTRASWEET AND OTHER SIMILAR ARTIFICIAL SWEETENER PRODUCTS WERE ALSO UNHEALTHY. THIS, TOO, WAS YEARS PRIOR TO THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY REVEALING THE NEUROLOGICAL DAMAGE THAT COULD OCCUR FROM SOME OF SUCH PRODUCTS.
UPON AWAKING IN THE HOSPITAL AFTER SURGERY IN 1984, I HAD A VISION OF ME DRESSED IN A GOLDEN GOWN AND DANCING A WALTZ WITH THE BELOVED, FOLLOWING HIS STEPS PERFECTLY AND SURROUNDED BY A GREAT THRONG OF ANGELIC SPIRITS WHO OOHED AND AAHED AS WE DANCED, GAZING IN EACH OTHER’S EYES. HE HAD ME CALL PHYLLIS LATER THAT DAY AND TELL HER OF THE VISION. I DID NOT KNOW THAT IT WAS A DIRECT ANSWER TO HER OF SOMETHING SHE HAD BEEN DISCUSSING WITH THE LORD. UPON DISMISSAL FROM THE HOSPITAL, I WAS STUNNED WHEN I SAW A COMMERCIAL ON TV IN WHICH A WOMAN WAS DRESSED IN A GOLDEN GOWN, DANCING IN THE ARMS OF HER LOVER. IT SO REMINDED ME OF THE VISION.
THE WEEK WHEN THE MOVIE “ET” WAS FIRST RELEASED, A DEAR FRIEND, PAT, PASSED AWAY. I HAD SUNG AT HER FUNERAL. MOST OF THE FAMILY WERE UNBELIEVERS. AN UNBELIEVING FRIEND OF HERS ATTENDED THE FUNERAL. HER LATER TESTIMONY WAS THAT AS I BEGAN TO SING, SHE SAW THE DEPARTED FRIEND’S SPIRIT COME AND STAND BESIDE ME. THE NON-BELIEVER FRIEND WAS INSTANTLY CONVERTED. AFTER I RETURNED HOME, I WAS LYING ON THE SOFA RESTING WHEN I SAT BOLT UPRIGHT AS I FELT PAT’S VOICE SPEAKING TO ME. SHE WAS TELLING ME THAT SHE WAS NOT READY TO MOVE ON “UP” YET AS SHE WAS WAITING [ON A LOWER REALM IN HEAVEN] FOR AL, HER HUSBAND [I LEARNED THERE ARE MANY REALMS, LEVELS, MANSIONS IN HEAVEN]. MY SPIRIT HEARD HER SAY THAT SHE WANTED DEARLY TO SEE ME BUT THAT MY SPIRIT-REALM WAS TOO HIGH FOR HER TO DO SO AND IT WAS TAKING A TAXING AMOUNT OF EFFORT TO ATTEMPT IT. WOULD I “COME DOWN” TO “VISIT” HER. MY SPIRIT REFUSED ANY OFFER TO DO SO. THE NEXT WEEK I RECEIVED A LETTER FROM A DEAR MINISTER OF GOD, BRO. BERNARDI - WHO LIVED IN ILLINOIS - IN WHICH HE SAID HE HAD FELT LED OF GOD TO SEND ME A NOTE SAYING “DO NOT COME DOWN, O MY DARLING”! THAT WAS AN EXTRAORDINARY THING. I WAS STUNNED AS I READ THE NOTE FROM SOMEONE WHO KNEW NOTHING OF THE SPIRIT ENCOUNTER WITH PAT.
FULLY TEN YEARS BEFORE THE HEALTH INDUSTRY ANNOUNCED IT, THE BELOVED REVEALED TO ME THAT ASPIRIN THERAPY – IN SMALL AMOUNTS – WAS HEALTHIER AND BETTER THAN PRESCRIPTION DRUGS FOR PREVENTING STROKES AND DECIDELY CHEAPER, MAKING IT MOST AFFORDABLE FOR THE POOR AMONG US WHO COULD NOT WELL AFFORD PRESCRIPTION DRUGS.
All through the years, He has given me dreams of interactions with babies. I will share as many as He recalls for me.
One such was July 30, 1987:
I was in a meeting place with lots of people who were faceless. My role was as an observer/adviser/encourager for a woman who was detached. There was another wealthy woman who had children. All of a sudden I was at the wealthy woman's house. Her baby was at the walking stage but would not walk. The woman was involved in the wealthy woman's life. The wealthy woman had everything to help stimulate, educate her child but the child would not walk. The child could not walk without shoes nor with walking shoes with hard soles.
The rich child was cared for by the rich woman, who was cared for by the detached woman who was cared for by me.
The wealthy woman and the other woman were not around and I picked up the shoes and put them on the baby's feet and the child would say, "Hurt". They were trying to get the baby to walk in shoes that did not fit any more! The baby had more sense than they did. They had been assuming different things.
I went to the woman I was helping. I saw God's Divine Order in this, that my dealings were not with the mother directly so I told the woman that the shoes did not fit the baby and they hurt. I watched for her to go and tell the mother but the woman would not. She was concerned for the baby but was passive in her duty. Willing to be concerned, to be available but not willing to make a commitment necessary to help the mother.
I awoke briefly but then went back to sleep.
I found myself back in a room with many people.
Parts of the room were separated. Most of the people were actively
busy. There was a black girl, Sedessa. [the real Sedessa was one
of the women I had met during our Shirley Harris experiences – a woman
who died in a local jail, which lead to an uproar within the Black community
in this area. I was chosen to head up a confrontation/truth telling/healing
Police/Black Community group]. In the dream, most of the people were
nameless and faceless. They asked where Sedessa was who just given
birth. This would ordinarily be a time when a woman was entitled
to rest. But Sedessa was up on the stage addressing a group, very
animatedly. I then awoke for good.
I compared the two women in the two dreams and felt they were revelatory, instructive and revealing in scope. I believe the women to be indicative of the Church. One sort in the Church of being loving and shy, too bound in self to declare to a world looking for freedom. Too shy to demonstrate/confront her church. This church can be rich/sincere but the shoes it provides hurt...its children cannot walk. Yet those who have knowledge don't tell the message for healing. They are too bound by culture, personality and doctrine (tradition). Yet another with a new born baby does not rest as she deserves as is her right but she stands on the stage, willing publicly to receive praise or blame to speak.
Another dream involving little children or babies was given on November 11, 1998:
I was out walking and came upon a group of children playing. There was one child in particular that I wanted to take with me – a little female child. I knew I had first to get her father’s permission. I planned to take her to another father. The dream showed me there are many fathers for those who are ready to “go on”, taken on. I do know many of such dreams have to do with the Church, sometimes the entire assembly of believers and sometimes believer in different stages of growth.
January 16, 2000, another dream about babies and children occurred. He continues to reinforce the main thrust of my life. It was apparent to me that it was The Beloved disclosing to me my present role:
In the dream I was busied with washing toddlers in a tin tub. This was, seemingly, what was occupying my time. It brought to mind again the vision given at least 10 years ago about the bearing of an ENORMOUS LY large and healthy baby, cleansing its “private parts” prior to taking it into the Church.
In another dream, I was in the company of a daughter or a daughter-in-law who was going to have a baby. She was not married. I was made aware that the baby would be a “mixed race” baby. The daughter said to me that she would not have an abortion [I have been active for many years in the Right to Life and The Birthright organizations, speaking, witnessing to save babies and have been arrested and dragged at such protests].
Another dream involving a child was manifested as being my grandchild. I was taking care of a granddaughter and she did not want to sit down. She was crying and crying. One would have thought her to be recalcitrant. I kept telling her to sit down and was becoming frustrated as she would not be consoled. Later, I discovered that her “bottom” was very sore in her private parts.
A momentous “baby” dream occurred on Monday, September 21, 1998:
I met an “old” friend [unknown to me in this life but
in the dream I seemed to know who the person was – a female – who was a
jet pilot. She asked me to sing at a wedding of a friend of hers.
I did not want to but said that I would as a favor to her. This friend
was a country music fan and, in that this was not sacred music, I did not
want to be involved in a wedding of worldly people. In a worldly
The wedding day came and I went to sing. There was in the atmosphere an awareness by me of unspoken but palpable racism, a black/white rejection. I was never called forward to sing. I left.
I then found myself on a bus going to Pittsburgh, the place of my upbringing in the natural. Eva Wilkinson, an old friend of mine – a completed Jewess who is now 90 years old - was on the bus and among the group that was traveling together. A deceased male friend of mine boarded the bus and handed me a baby to “sit”. The baby was Oriental. It was very quiet and watchful and did not respond in any way to my baby coos and attempts to bond with it.
I laid it in my lap and turned my attention to the other travelers and moved closer to a table that was in front of me. The jet pilot was one of those on the bus and I was ready to introduce her to Eva etal but she did not want to be identified as a jet pilot for no one knew she “flew”.
The wedding person appeared. She said I was not asked to sing as I was seen leaving with the baby. As the bus drove along through the city, I admiringly noticed the renewal of the edifices in the Pittsburgh area and marveled at all the renaissance that had taken place in making it a lovely place.
The baby came to my mind and I realized that I had pressed close to the table and the baby was pressed beneath it. I drew back and noticed that the baby’s head was pressed flat by the pressure of the table and the baby was immobile. I was just horrified and thought “the baby is dead” and that I was personally responsible for the crushing of its little head. I touched the baby’s heart area and felt a strong heartbeat. The baby stirred and looked up at me – and smiled the most beautiful, beautiful smile! It was a most impressive contrast: this baby had been totally quiet about all the pain, suffering and travail it had been undergoing, so much so that I had not even been aware that it had been suffering even though it was as close as my lap.
I felt the baby represented those who had and have been given to me to “nurture”. In that the baby was Oriental, I took it to mean “East” since the Orient is in the East, which would then mean “heavenly” or “spiritual” biblically. The jet pilot might well represent “an angel among us” since she “flew” but no one knew it. The head of the baby appears to mean the rational mind: will, emotions, thought-life; therefore, the crushing of the baby’s head would be my spiritual “sitting” job, to “crush” the natural thought-life, the rational, the will, intellect, emotions of those given me from on high to bring from the spiritually unresponsive “pampering” state (the baby did not respond to my coos when first given to me), from the soul life into the life of the Spirit, from lefthand to righthand, from the things of the world to the things of the Spirit, to a beatific state: the beautiful, beautifully sweet responsive smile: having come into “the other side” relationship. This leads me to believe the dream to be an impartation of a HIGH, HIGH spiritual truth of great import: it is not the murmuring under trial that impresses Heaven; it is not the SHARING of travail that impresses Heaven. IT IS THE SWEET AND MEEK AND QUIET SPIRIT THAT “TELLS” UNDER CRUSHING – NOT THE WORDS OR THE PUBLIC TEARS. The SPIRIT of the person either “tells” or it doesn’t that “the head is crushed”.
January 15, 1998 I had a most interesting dream of illumination and revelation. Although it was a short one in the telling, it was momentous in import:
I was helping many poor people in need of many things. They were each given gifts. One lady opened a package that had been given her and the delight on her face was great. It was a golden locket that opened up to show many pictures. The locket was hinged which allowed its sections to unfold like an accordion. Each picture she looked at caused great delight which showed upon her countenance. They were pictures of generations gone and past. As I awoke, God made known to me that the dream pertains to the recovery that He is giving of lost cherished truths. That each picture represented a particular truth, a nugget of gold. Much of them will be recovered and rewritten….for each forgotten truth is as a grain of gold from eons and eons ago. He will restore abundantly.
DEEP, DEEP Teachings began from the very beginning of my Journey in the 70s. I have literally had revelations daily for 28 years. They touched upon controversial subjects as well such as reincarnation. HE EXPLAINED TO ME WHY PEOPLE BELIEVE IN AND FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT REINCARNATION.
HE ALSO REVEALED TO ME UNIVERSAL SALVATION. THAT HE HAD AND STILL VISITS HELL AND SAVES BEYOND EARTH LIFE [1 PET. 3:19-20; REV. 14:9-10; 1 PET. 4:6; 1 COR 15:28].
HE EXPLAINED TO ME MOST OF THE DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND
SCRIPTURES, SUCH AS EVIL. "I AM SATAN" REVELATION [ISA. 63:10; AMOS
3:7; ISA 45:7; EX 12:23; 54:16]
I NOW SEE THAT IN A DREAM AT SKYLAKE IN 1995 – WHICH
WAS A NUMINOUS DREAM OF MONUMENTAL DIMENSION – I SAW THE DIVINE ARCHETYPES
DIFFERENTIATED: CORRESPONDENT TO THE NAMES OF GOD. INCLUDED AMONG
THEM WAS TEMPTATION. “IF YOU PLANT……, THEY WILL COME.” ALSO BELIEVE
ON ANOTHER LEVEL, IT APPLIES TO THE INDIVIDUAL AND TO THE CHURCH.
“I was building a house and was looking towards landscaping
the grounds outside it. Someone approached me and said, “If you plant
[and they mentioned a certain variety of plant by a name unknown to me],
they will come” – which, to my mind meant that, as we know, certain plants
draw certain birds, i.e., humming birds and other kinds of things.
This particular plant whose name I did not know, seemed to me to be something
as he said, “They will come”, I pictured the “they” meant birds of a very, very rare variety. So that I knew it wasn’t something that was a “sure thing” because of the rarity of the specimen. And so I planted it.
The Greek word, phusis, has a derivation of words that come from it. One of them means “to plant” which, in one meaning, is “to sow a doctrine”, to instill a doctrine. That, indeed, each thing in nature and each person sown, each soul sown, is “planting a doctrine”. We who name the Name of the Lord are a planting of the Lord. Each of us has meaning and a purpose for our lives.
Later, one day I came around the corner of my house and, interestingly, the corner of the house looked, from the outside, like this [the retreat room at Skylake where I was sharing the dream]. I had come around the corner of the house and I looked up. And all of this is so important because “up”, of course, meant the spiritual sense of “up”. It wasn’t down on the ground, which would have meant the physical realm.
But this, this was the spirit realm. I looked up and the roof was slanted and it had stained-glass windows all across the building. At one and the same time, I knew this was my house but I knew it was here like a church sanctuary. I looked up and saw “IT” and I will never, ever forget this. I saw such a thing as does not exist on earth.
When I first looked, it looked like a bird having wings. But the movement of these wings you have never seen on earth. Never. Not ever. The closest thing I can come to help you to understand what it was is: you know those underwater beings, which are transparent and how they have that smooth undulating movement? The wings. The wings of what I saw were not fluttering like a bird’s wings. These just undulated and the undulations went across the entirety of the wings. They just rippled across and rippled back, just, just so ripply. And the “bird being” was pure gold, of the purest gold. But even more than that, it was a clear gold, a clear, transparent gold, and those wings were just…just right there on the top of the roof and it was in one position.
It was like...it comes to my mind now, like as you would envision “the anointed cherub that covers”, that picture of the covering wings that...I am faltering to find words exquisite enough and proper enough to express the movement… I cannot express, you just have to bear in mind that image of a giant, underwater jelly fish. This was clear transparent gold, gold and glowing in this rhythmic, rhythmic movement that just continued…just continued it. And I looked up and…and interestingly, what I had planted was down inside, down inside the building. And it was like…this exquisite being looked like a bird, and then it then turned into the shape of a butterfly.
And it would just go back and forth between these two shapes. I could not tell if it was a bird or butterfly. And it was beating against those windows. And I said to it, “Oh, you’re trying to...you want to feed, you’re trying to get to [whatever that plant was].” But it couldn’t get inside to the plantings because the windows were preventing its entry.
Then, it seemed it was on the outside on the top of this building and just rhythmically flowing. And as it moved forward closer to the window, I thought it was making the movement again to try to get in. And then I looked down beneath it because it was just a little above me. And I saw what was a cardboard box.
[insert: Years later, as I am reviewing the tape now, I can see it. I can see the meaning now. I don’t know if I’ve ever listened to this tape. I certainly haven’t listened to it since I shared this dream with you: see, when I said the planting, that I planted it down inside the building, I can now recognize that that building is this building [pointing to self]. It’s the body, the temple. I see it as the temple of God. I knew that in that vision I was looking at a temple [a sanctuary]. And I said whatever I had planted was down inside. That means it was real: it was “down in”, implanted. It was “part of”. You know, like it wasn’t external. It was internal, an internal working. And “to plant” means it was “abiding”, being planted to stay. It was abiding and its rareness and its preciousness and its unusualness and its “not being known”, all meant “unknown”, something not known in the experience of man. Not common, not normal and, indeed, quite unusual. This thing planted wasn’t of the earth because it was not known by an earthly nomenclature.]
It just continued its rhythmic, rhythmic movement. [And interestingly what I had planted was down inside, inside the building, means to me now that the planting “had taken hold”.]
It was like - like a bird which then turned into a butterfly [which, to me now, means “resurrection life”.]
I could not tell if it was a bird or butterfly.
It was beating against those windows and I said, “Oh you are trying, you want to feed, you are trying to get to whatever that plant is”, and the planting was down inside and the creature couldn’t get inside because the windows were there and it itself was on the outside on the top of this building.
It was in a frenzy, trying to get to it.
As it moved forward close to the windows, I thought it was making a move to get in, as though it was trying to pierce the window.
As I said, I looked down beneath it. And I saw what it was beneath it was a cardboard box that was only about that high and about this long [gesturing]. And the body of the bird or butterfly, whichever, never stopped this undulating movement. And in that box, I saw life. Life that was eternal life, Its life.
To my astonishment, I looked into this box and saw it had soil in the bottom of it. Which means, of course, something like earth was in the bottom of the box... And as I looked at this…I don’t know what to call it… it was moving. I saw movement. [You see, it was wanting to unite with that which was being built down within.]
I saw as I looked closer [in the box] little tiny replicas of this being and I knew they, too, were beings. They just all…they were trying to get their strength. [Birthing.]
And they, too, were of pure translucent gold. So that the rhythmic moving of this being was birthing, just birthing. And I looked and I was in awe as I watched these beings. These coming into being [In the earth.]
This pure...this translucent gold.
Then I awoke and I lay there, as though it was being imprinted on my mind. Then I got up. This was around 4 o’clock in the morning. I got up and went to the bathroom. I came back and lay down and the Spirit began to speak to me: just to draw it into me, to make certain I had gotten it. This was an epiphany, it was a mighty, mighty… “Visitation”.
I knew that I had seen Divine of The Lord. In this…gold, speaks only, only of divinity. And the gold. This was pure. I had seen such pure, pure translucent gold. There wasn’t a mar through this being. There wasn’t a streak, there wasn’t a speck. This was smooth. It was like…like [molten] glass. It was like gold that was so fine, so pure, so holy, that it was like........obviously, like beaten gold for it to be that pure.
It just fluttered, undulated. And I saw these little beings just being born. Then, within me [I heard a Voice saying], “You have seen The Holy, you have seen the Divinity”. And it was as though He spoke to me. “You have seen this weekend. You have seen this weekend the hovering Holy Presence of the Holy, Pure Divine.” And those little golden beings – divine presences - being birthed into the earth.
[I could almost say – these years later - these exact words.]
And I looked behind him to a larger being, and there was another box. A cardboard box of the same kind and it was behind the...if I can give you the picture, the roof slanted down like this. And the box with the earth in the bottom and the little beings were right under the window. And the being that was birthing was just a little up in the air above them and its back was to the roof, the part going down towards the eaves. And just behind them was a box of the same kind but in this box were rows of apples. And I could not fathom it. I looked from the box, seeing these beings because I wondered, “Where did all of these come from?” It was as though there was available for these little ones their full supply of nurturance. I immediately knew everything had been supplied, everything necessary to bring these beings into being that they not starve. And I wondered “How can this be”? I had built all of this and I could not see anything that I had put there. Not only is there everything for their supply, but I looked behind and I said, “There is even food”.
[The work of God...]
….and they were all apples so that they could eat. I then began to see that the apples represented the temptation, even as they were being birthed. But behind them, down in the house, which I take to be the sanctuary, the temple, was the true food, the Manna. Whatever this was that I had planted and had been told, “If you plant that”- which I take to be doctrine - “If you plant that”, whatever this golden being is “will come” because that’s the food [Manna] that will draw - yet all these “apples” represent another choice.
And these apples were exquisitely red and they were just perfect in shape and color. And their placement in the box were just perfectly all in a row. Just, just so beautiful. Enticing. I awoke and I lay mute. I just lay mute. Transfixed.
Fannie speaks to the group at Skylake: “I once was lost, lost….no hope, hopeless. My God, I do not have words to make you see where I once was. I once sat where you sit. I once was lower than the word “low”. And would have gone lower if there had been any place lower to go. Fear-filled. Words can’t even express the sickness of terror once in my soul. I was afraid to live and I was afraid to die. Oh, God, God, I wanted God and to sin not and yet I could not find how to find Him.
I don’t think I could have ever come to the place where
He could work with me if I had not been brought to believe His Word.
I didn’t see it, I didn’t feel it, I had nothing left to do but to believe
it, then to learn to rest. To take Him at His Word. To believe
that greater was He that was within me then he that I was seeing more of
in my experiencing. That I not only had to believe His Word, I had
to say His Word. I had to feed myself with His Word: “Be still
my soul, be still my soul.” “Whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever
things are pure, whatsoever things are good, whatsoever things are of a
good report – that if there is any virtue and there be any praise, soul,
think on THESE things.” “Be ye renewed by the transforming of your
mind.” “Be not conformed to this world be TRANSFORMED by the renewing
of your mind. Soul, take your mind off your fear and put your
mind on God.” “Faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the Word of
God.” “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of
things not seen.”
One first comes to find out what he can’t do, what isn’t in him. What he cannot do….and he cannot save himself.
But, by the same token, I knew I had to do the things I knew to do. Although I didn’t know how I was going to be made perfect, I knew I had to, I knew I had to do those things I knew to do. And I knew I had to do them not to “get something” but because it was right to do what I knew to do. That, in itself, was terrifying,yet I had to do it. All during that time I had no assurance that anything I did was even pleasing to Him. And that was a pain and a suffering too deep for words. There, again, is a paradox not easily understood: that there was nothing that I could do, yet I had to do what I knew to do. Terrible fear of failure, of displeasing Him. Terrible, terrible, paralyzing fear of “missing the mark”, of falling into deception and error.
And it had to be done, not for feelings, but for pleasing God. There’s one thing I had told Him – that I wanted to delight Him. Little did I know that one must come to the end of one’s “doings” before one can truly delight Him. Because there is only One who can delight Him and yet one cannot come to the end of one’s trying to delight Him until one has used up all its own tryings to delight Him. But the only way to get to the end of trying is to be led there by the Holy Spirit. He alone knows how to get us to the end, that we might come to the Beginning. And you, too, must come to that place of doing what you know to do, immediately. And I didn’t say with “quality”. I said “immediately”. In other words, I did not cut myself any slack. That doesn’t mean I did it with courage. I did not have courage, nor did I do it with anything even close to purity. I think all I had was that I wanted to please Him. I wanted to please Him or die.
The very best thing you could possibly do is to set yourself to hear the Spirit. He who knows each of us so totally. He alone could “nail” me when I was so sure that, this time, this time my heart is pure. And then He would show me my heart. And, then, when I would least expect this feeling of being so bereft and feeling I was so terrible, the sweetness of the Spirit would just envelope me. And He would tell me, “Now remember in the darkness what I told you in the light.” How terrible that darkness and how totally, unconditionally necessary.
I’m sitting here with you now and my mind is thinking of that darkness and I’m thinking of that vision and the planting. It’s dark down there where that seed is. It’s dark down there. All the growth is going on in the darkness. The root system is being built and taking root in darkness.
When I felt dry, He was working. When I felt lost, He was working. When I felt close to Him, He was working. When I felt distant, when I heard no voice, felt no touch, He was working. He was working. Blessed be He. For the work was His, it wasn’t mine.
Yes, one thing I had to do – two things: what I
knew to do, to be faithful in that which I knew to do. And to believe
His Word. Whether I saw it or not.
I had a little promise box. I’d pull out one of those and just recite it. They were scriptures on each little card. The Word. It was all I had. For I had no one else. It was feeding me. It truly was a light in my darkness. Amazing grace. Amazing, amazing grace.
What was deep in the “dark” of me had to come up.
I was really beginning to understand the difference between the conscious
and the unconscious and how some spirits work against us and some with
us. What is deep within you must come up into your conscious knowledge
of yourself or you will never become whole. I experienced it and
it scared me to death. I was afraid to see what was separating me
from God, even though I wanted to be pure with all my heart. I was
afraid of what would be found in my heart.
To my horror, I came to understand what “filthy rags” righteousness was
as the contents of my heart became conscious to me. The problem was self- centeredness. It is the core of every human heart. I learned that none escapes it. The misconception that enough change comes from accepting the Lord, followed by Spirit baptism leaves the impression that there is some good within and only a few negatives need to be changed now. Through the “surgery” of moment-by-moment dying to self, I learned that a heart transplant needed to take place for the perfection God wants, not the basic heart change.
And the dying to self is learning how not to be anymore. That in me dwelt no good thing. None. Nowhere within me. No good. He alone is good. When He said, “Your righteousness is as filthy rags” even though I felt so good about just having done this or that, I learned to say “I take your Word for it, Lord.” When I would feel so good because this person or that praised me, when I felt so good because someone was blessed by my words or songs in ministry, The Spirit would convict me and say “What are you proud of? You only took the message.” I learned to say, “I’m taking your Word for it, that in me dwelleth no good thing. That’s Your Word on it. Soul, be still. Hope thou in God.” When I was feeling up, or was feeling down, the word was the same: in me dwelt no good thing. I learned to say, “Lord, they think it’s me. We know it’s Thee.”
He brought me into Himself with me knowing nothing except
that I wanted to delight Him. I did not know union with God was possible
in this life. It was after the Journey into Him that my mind became
educated as He taught me about the Feasts and that what I had experienced
was the Day of Atonement and then the ineffable, unspeakable Feast of Tabernacles.
Oh, God. Oh, God. I bow before Thee.
I adore Thee, O Thou incomparable One. My Beloved, My Love. My All.
He has since made known to me who the cherubim are. I believe this is a mighty dream that will take time to unfold in full meaning but has great relevance for the Church.”
I HAVE SINCE HAD MANY VISIONS OF ME LEANING OVER AND LOOKING DOWN UPON LIFE ON EARTH FROM THE RAMPARTS OF HEAVEN WITH THE BELOVED. BREATHTAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL WAS THE PEACE EXPERIENCED.
I HAD MANY VISIONS OF CHRIST ON A WHITE HORSE RIDING WITH AN ARMY OF HOSTS TO BATTLE FORCES OF EVIL ON EARTH SOMETIMES CANTERING, FINALLY RIDING HARD.
I HAD VISIONS OF MY RIDING ASTRIDE HIS HORSE WITH HIM.
I SAW A VISION – WHICH WAS REPEATED CONTINUOUSLY UNTIL I UNDERSTOOD IT – OF CHRIST DISAPPEARING INTO GOD.
HE TOLD ME THAT I HAD A NEW NAME: “HE THAT HATH AN EAR, LET HIM HEAR WHAT THE SPIRIT SAITH: TO HIM THAT OVERCOMETH WILL I GIVE TO EAT OF THE HIDDEN MANNA, AND WILL GIVE HIM A WHITE STONE, AND IN THE STONE A NEW NAME WRITTEN, WHICH NO MAN KNOWETH SAVING HE THAT RECEIVETH IT.” [REV. 2:17] HE TOLD ME WHAT THE NAME WAS.
Dictation Given September 30, 2002 Genesis 3:22
And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:
To put forth his hand is to lean to one’s own understanding.
“…and live forever.”
FOR EVER: as self vs. GOD HIMSELF
forever trapped in the battering-ram world of oppositional forces of warring factions (flesh against spirit);
forever knowing marginalized and conditional happiness, rather than the free-flowing, exquisite world of Spirit, knowing the world of increasing violence, failure and polarization rather than of righteousness, peace and joy;
of class warfare, envy, personal and corporate greed rather than harmony, love and brotherhood;
of disease, dis-ease and famine as the pendulum swings farther and farther in the direction of extremes until one side becomes totally isolated and alienated from the other;
knowing no surety of lasting love, fidelity or faith;
living in the advance of turbulent violence, of dulled conscience, the rape and pitiless sacrifice and neglect of innocent children as lust, covetousness and darkness reign supreme in the hearts of all too many;
living heavily taxed by anxieties and government, the insecurities of life and distrust born out of the self-chosen, fragmented world of suspicion, prejudice and fear;
while at the center - in the deepest recesses of the inner life - dwells calm, steady, Eternal Life and Love, Wisdom, Light and Lovingkindness that had been forfeited in favor of self and self-reliance - the first blush of self-confidence and self-promotion gradually giving way to self-created darkness within and without;
WHILE DEEP, DEEP WITHIN - PAST THE SEETHING CAULDRON OF OPPOSING AIMS - AWAITING TO BE CHOSEN IS SALVATION FOR THE ERRANT, SPIRIT-STARVED SOUL WHOSE HOPE IN ANY OTHER COLLAPSED SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY.
DEEP, DEEP WITHIN -WAITING TO BE CHOSEN - IS THE FORGOTTEN EMBRACE OF THE ONE, THE TRUE AND ONLY SELF – THE GOD MOST HIGH - IN FORGIVENESS, "FORGETFULNESS" AND THE BLINDING LIGHT OF INEFFABLE LOVE.
I NOW SEE THE DREAMS AND VISIONS I HAVE HAD TO BE ARCHETYPAL
IN NATURE AND PERHAPS MANY-FACETED [SOME DIRECTIVE, SOME INSTRUCTIVE, DISCLOSING
UNKNOWN REALITIES, SOME PROPHETIC] MANY-LEVELED – PERSONAL, INDIVIDUAL
AND UNIVERSAL - IN INTERPRETATION.
Sharing with Bible Study group on July 11, 2002
I had a another dream that was nothing short of numinous. And powerful. And the intent of the meaning to me has expanded as the day has gone on. It could have several meanings, on different planes.
I was on what appeared to me to be a college campus for a gathering of academics at quite a high level. There was an area that we were going to and we did, in fact, go there—it was like a flowing of the whole group to register. Registration had to take place first. There appeared to be a recognition among them of me, a knowledge of who I was. Although they, themselves, were very prominent, I did not place myself there; nonetheless, they did, and they treated me as a peer, and, indeed, a peer to be recognized and looked to. In fact, they looked up to me in some regard.
While registering, my eye caught—you know how, in some of these places, they have things that can be purchased, gift racks, and literature, and etc.? My eye was caught by what appeared to be something shaped like gold bullions or bricks; it was in a rectangular shape. That caught my eye, and I knew that’s what I wanted to purchase. In the flow of registering and getting to where we were supposed to be, that went out of my mind momentarily, until there came a time when we were all outside again. It was either during a break or it was at the end of the seminar (I might call it that. I had no knowledge of what was going on.). And I had no knowledge of whether the break was temporary or permanent. At any rate, we had crossed the campus from where the registration was.
I wanted to go back to that particular building because I wanted to get that gold foil-wrapped object. I tried to make my way there in the direction I thought it was in, but found myself meandering all over. I asked different ones I met where that building was and everyone would give a direction, but it was always in a wrong direction. I could not find my way there, but it did not dissuade me from attempting to find that place. It was in me so powerfully that I had to have that gold object.
While going there, there were all these dignitaries, “mucky-mucks”—“high mucky-mucks” is a term men use in business for those who are in a higher echelon of the work force. These dignitaries were well-dressed, well-groomed, well-mannered. In trying to find where I was going, I fell into a ditch, a culvert; whether it was one of those that drained water off, I don’t know. At any rate, there was water and mud in it, and I fell into it. It ruined my outfit. I came up out of it, and although I knew I would be a spectacle, covered with all this while everyone else was so well-groomed, that knowledge just flowed off me like “water off a duck’s back”. I just came up out of there and went on my way, totally focused on looking for the building and not caring who looked at me, who saw me in the disarray in which I found myself. In other words, I didn’t take time to say, “I’m going back to my room to change.” I had a ONE TRACK MIND and it was to FIND that building where that gold-wrapped “whatever” was.
I wandered all over and, just when I felt, totally frustrated, “This is not going to come to pass. I’ve gone in every direction, I’ve asked everyone I could possibly ask. I might as well forget it”, I turned sorrowfully away and – suddenly - there was the building! My heart just leaped up within me! As I sped toward it, there, coming out the door, was a man: handsome, well-groomed. I would say, the epitome of—he was very suave and gracious. The graciousness. More than anything else, it was the graciousness that deeply penetrated my being.
He acted as though he had been expecting me. There was such joy in his welcome of me, and there was so much joy in return. He reached out his hands with such graciousness and said to me, “I’m so glad you’re here [or you’ve come back] - I rarely have visitors to my home.” I was amazed. His home! I thought this was the registration building! And I said [to myself], “Somewhere in this complex he must have a home”, and I knew it would be MAGNIFICENT, because everything about him was glorious. He was just so, so gracious. So mannerly. So solicitous. He took no note of my clothing, no note of my condition. He was overjoyed that I had found my way to his home.
I was so shocked to learn that he was the owner. Evidently, during registration, I had seen him mingling nearby and he had appeared to be an equal. He did not place himself above anyone in any gesture, manner, or whatever. He simply was gracious, and was among us as an equal. But once I met him in this way, I knew he was not [equal]!—how could someone so rich, important, in high society—not in a negative way, but his importance gave him that gravitas...his everything…I felt, how could someone like that welcome me with such equality of spirit? It was obvious he would have an open door in any arena, the very highest echelon of any society of importance. And yet, there he was, expecting me and welcoming me. As I said, I had thought he was one of us, equal, but [he was] an authority figure par excellent! He took my hands in his, opened the door to his finely-appointed home and led me in. At that point, I awoke.
I didn’t know what the [meaning of the] dream was when I first awoke. I was awake but still caught up into the glory of it all. As the day went on, and it came back—I had written so much down because it was so much and so full - but it is yet imprinted on my mind. Deeply imprinted. I weep, and I don’t know why I want to weep. As I think on it, I know it is very, very, very important. I don’t know if it is a prophetic dream, meaning that, in my future there is going to be some kind of recognition of a body of knowledge in a public arena among experts—because these people were experts, they were experts in their field. I don’t know what field it was. All I know is they looked upon me as an equal peer, even though I did not. I was just simply noting reaction to me. Or I don’t know whether it is spiritual, but I know the gold object—I feel that was a body of knowledge, divine.
Spiritually, He brings to my mind the Scripture, “Strait is the gate, and narrow is the way that leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” (Matt. 7:14). I had great difficulty finding it. And just when I was ready to experience great disappointment in not being able to find it, I looked, and there it was. I had looked everywhere, and in every direction, and it was as though until I had done that, it wasn’t to be found. It just appeared, and it was a huge edifice. The graciousness of the owner’s soul cannot be expressed. Just charming, in the purest sense of the word. Because the charm was not faked. It did not accrue to him from the much goods, or the wealth that he had. It was IN him, it was a part of his character.
It’s extraordinary. I know not which way to look at it. I will leave it to Him, beholding Him. He brings to my mind that, it was later in the day, it took my breath away, and I said to Him, “Was that YOU?” I remembered it, and I knew it was important, but it was only as the day has gone on, to where—I mean now, I am stirred SO profoundly by it.. You look at dreams to see if the characters are aspects of the self. And it’s certainly applicable, if we look at it in terms of the collective unconscious. It certainly was from the unconscious. Even when I awoke, it was not as yet in my consciousness. It was only there in my spirit.
It’s full, a full picture. It’s affecting me, and
I don’t know why, because it’s from the collective unconscious deep within.
And it’s been as though the heavens are opened, just constant explaining,
enlightening. This dream, I think I put in the realm of a revelation.
It’s so wholly other. Even if it’s for the natural world, prophetic,
it’s so far beyond anything I could think about or contemplate. This
was like…REAL. It’s so with me, every part of it. It’s
almost as if I can feel it as I relate it. As though it were truly happening to me. And now, as though it truly happened to me. Very, very powerful, very. More so as the day progressed.
Nothing about the dream changed, but the import of it, it’s just dawning into my consciousness that this is momentous. Something to be unfolded, and not interpreted. The dream itself was the interpretation. He is just, in every way, confirming with scripture and resources all the things [past and present] that He has spoken to me, and that I have taught. Revelation and confirmation are two different things, but part of the whole. Revelation definitely sets you to say it, to teach it, without a doubt. Confirmation is an affirmation of His Word. It’s His Word that comes in the revelation, and then, when you get a scripture or an event, or whatever that is a confirmation, it affirms, and no one can take it from you then. No one.
: Since this dream, I was asked to write an article for an international professional journal! The reverberations of it are going out internationally in this professional field of analytical psychology. The article correlated the archetypes of analytical psychology with the principalities, powers, dominions and angels of the Old and New Testaments. I received an affirmative response from an internationally known expert in the field but the rest of the experts have been silent. I believe the same will happen in the Church when the “experts” discover that God has been doing what they are espousing hasn’t happened as yet: namely, bringing broken and purified vessels within the veil. I believe He has shown me that, because they personally have not experienced it, their pride says it hasn’t happened yet because if it had, they would have been among the firstfruits. I do not say that in arrogance as I know, had He had broken and cleansed me, such would have been my bitter sentiments. I simply say what He has shown me.
I believe the silence in the professional community is due to ignorance and because the thrust of the article did not come from among their ranks but they cannot refute the veracity of the article.
I have since been asked if I would teach a course on the MBTI and Spirituality at a local college campus with three professors! The dream reminds me that they may be the academicians but I have the “gold”, wisdom, knowledge and understanding from on high and, therefore, need not be intimidated by their worldly knowledge and degrees.] And, though I have a doctorate degree, the “gold” is still the greater in import and spirituality. It is the divine while the other may be knowledge but it is the world.
NUMINOUS DREAM: August 23, 2002:
Two thugs (thieves), grinning, cunning, gained access to "my house" by being "friendly", “smooth”. But once they had gained entry, they took over and began to terrorize and hold everyone by their personae. They could not get me under their sway for I recognized them as what they truly were, not as what they pretended to be. Everyone else "in the house" was under their sway and held by fear. Others seemed to be cowed and needing my strength, which was a respect for the thieves "power" but not fear; therefore, I was not paralyzed by fear as the others were. I knew the element of surprise would be needed to capture them for the others were too fearful to mount any offense…even though there were far more of them in the house than those two “strongmen”.
I made my way surreptitiously "upstairs" and called the police [I had an Advocate with the Father!] while there. Eventually, I saw myself outside - awaiting the arrival of the police (who seemed to be overlong in coming (DANIEL!) I knew the element of surprise would be needed and they would be taken captive by the police for those in the house were too fearful to wrest power from them.
I awoke. But even though I was awake, I discovered the two thieves’ spirits were still there - now in my physical presence - and I felt the manipulation on my physical body of repulsive, invasive sexual force, which matched the ugliness of their terrorizing spirits in trying to overtake the group in the dream by force and fear. It matched their cunning natures – a false intimacy which they had used to gain entry to “the house”. I found I had to fight with my whole spirit to expel their presence.
When I had succeeded, God began to speak to me: the two thieves represent – on a psychological and spiritual level – archetypes, those powers of darkness, princes of principalities, angels of the darkness realm of the god of this world. They are behind and represent those people who purport to be friendly and desirous of a relationship with God’s people in order to subvert
and to manipulate. They were trying to grip me now in the natural. But could not because I could recognize – discern – who they really were. The weaker ones in “the house” in the dream knew not that the relationship which was building was an ugly, perverted form of intimacy because they wrongly thought that any “warmth” on the part of a person is good. They knew not that even “good” – true goodness – must be discerned. For evil often comes camouflaged as an angel of light. So, to gain entry, they attack the good will of sincere hearts by feigning “good” but they come not but to steal and to kill and to destroy (John 10:10). He, God, comes that we might have Life – abundant life. That is the measure. The thief leaves no one free. They come to force, to manipulate and to control in all arenas of life.
There was more pertaining to Adam and Eve.
VACATION DREAM OF 2002:
I was on a beach in a quite lovely resort area.
The atmosphere was one of relaxation and nonchalance, unhurriedness and
restfulness. The skies were gloriously blue, the sun was beaming
warmth upon the white sand and lulling everyone into a peaceful state of
rest. Sailboats and motorboats bobbed on the waters completing a scene
of “all’s right with the world”. I began to experience a sense of unease
and set about telling everyone it was time to be alert, that I had a sense
of a need to get ready for warfare, that alien forces were coming to attack
our country. I could get no one to listen because they could not
countenance such a thing when such beauty and rest was so close at hand.
They wanted nothing to interfere with vacationing and having a good time.
I continued to importune but to no avail.
Suddenly battleships began to appear among the recreational crafts. It even appeared to me that I was only one seeing the battleships since no one else reacted in any way different than what they had been. The other sunbathers continued to bathe and frolic in the sun. I saw (perhaps in the spirit?) a military mobilization beginning to take place with the battleships and also now military planes which were airborne and reconnoitering the area. Still, the bathers noticed nothing.
Suddenly, planes with bombs began to come into the aerial atmosphere and began dropping their bombs. The sunbathers began to scatter, frantically running in absolute terror then.
This dream I shared at that time with my Bible Study group and a friend remarked that it came to mind after the 9/11 plane attacks on our country.
September, 2002 (a profound revelation)– just after the
9/11 incident, while away at a seminar and contemplating why people of
differing personality types confer evil upon one another when it is simply
a difference of opinion – upon awakening, God explained to me that
it is because the difference we see in another to which we ascribe evil
is because that is the hidden part in us we “hate” about ourselves.
In Jungian parliance, that “hated” part is called our Shadow.
Simply put, the Shadow is “the part of us - THE INFERIOR PART OF OUR PERSONALITIES - we don’t want to be part of us” so we spend our lives keeping that tamped down “out of sight”.
It is “the dark side” of us, not because it is evil, but because it is unknown; therefore, we think of it as evil. The light of knowledge has not been shed upon it, and the consciousness has not been enlightened by its contents. It is our soul’s “good” that has not been properly appreciated – which causes us to unappreciate others we meet who are like what we have hidden inside of ourselves.
God told me that we do not know how to “rightly judge” and, therefore, call evil even that which He has made simply because it is “different”. The following are insights He continued to give me :
Our Shadow is the part of our "unredeemed" nature we would prefer not to surface (to be dealt with and to deal with us); it, however, is a part that can shore up our weaknesses when we acknowledge we have judged amiss. We may well find that that particular part of our nature that we despised knows how to deal with the particular Archetypes (“spirits” Eph. 6:12) that would otherwise overwhelm us because they are not conscious to us.
The Shadow, in individuation - becoming whole - will assist us, if we have courage enough to allow it to "come out" in public for the Spirit to judge and not us. THE SHADOW IS OUR GOLD: our unappreciated "Good".
To bring this point clearly into focus, within the reality of Type, consider that the Shadow of an ESTJ is INFP; the Shadow of INFP is ESTJ; the Shadow of INFJ is ESTP; the Shadow of ENFP is ISTJ; the Shadow of ISFP is ENTJ; the Shadow of INTJ is ESFP; the Shadow of ESFP is INTJ; the Shadow ESFJ is INTP. This shows clearly that our Shadows are real PERSONALITY TYPES....PEOPLE. Our reactions to those of our opposites types certainly clearly show our hostility and fear of and repulsion we feel towards these types. Therefore, each can clearly recognize what their Shadows is. This repulsion, fear of and hostility towards, dislike of these opposite Types means that we do not fulfill or live by the Second Commandment.
Our Shadow is not our enemy, for it is a “gold mine” of resources needed for the Journey out of fear. If we allow it to "come out", it will perform for us those acts and deeds that horrify our conscious self and that our preferred personality mode will not permit us to do. To keep it "under", though, is to die a slow and painful “soul death” for The Shadow would, if allowed to acceptably surface and mature, do our “dirty work” that needs to be done to bring the Soul to wholeness: revealing our hidden parts that we have judged to be inferior to ourselves and others.
Our Shadow knows how to deal with the particular Archetypes (spirits) that would otherwise overwhelm us because they are not conscious to us. The Shadow is truly the treatment for the cancer of the Soul, that unhealthy, over-grown, one-sided conscious personality.
If the Ego refuses to acknowledge the existence of certain “dark” psychic contents, they cannot be brought into awareness. And that which is “out of sight”, is out of consciousness. Thus, the Ego rules, guards, and protects the conscious individual identity of the psyche and we wear “masks” to boost our public images.
The Shadow, Reframed:
• The unappreciated “good”
• My “gold mine”, not my enemy
• Potential enlightenment for the conscious mind
• What will “save” me in individuation
• Will do for me what my conscious self will not do
• Contains the particular Archetypes that would otherwise overwhelm
• Does for “me” “my” dirty work that needs to be done
• The treatment for the "cancer" of "one-sidedness" of the unhealthy soul
The Shadow, Reframed:
• The unappreciated “good”
• My “gold mine”, not my enemy
• Potential enlightenment for the conscious mind
• What will “save” me in individuation
• Will do for me what my conscious self will not do
• Contains the particular Archetypes that would otherwise overwhelm
• Does for “me” “my” dirty work that needs to be done
• The treatment for the "cancer" of "one-sidedness" of the unhealthy soul
MARCH 6, 2003 IN A MIGHTY VISION OF THE “WHIRLPOOL OF LIFE”, I NOW SEE THAT I WAS SEEING THE REALITY OF ATOMS AND MOLECULES, PRE-EXISTENT LIFE: ENERGY LIKE THE MIND AND SIGHT COULD NEVER SEE…..CORRESPONDENT TO SPIRIT. THE FOLLOWING IS THE MEANING OF IT TO ME:
THE VISION OF LIFE ITSELF [EVERYWHERE; WHIRLPOOL; ABYSS]:
I was in It; everything that exists was in It. Yet, GOD was so personal…but in a formless Form. I was in Consciousness, pulsating, swirling Life, like a vortex. It was One, but everything was in It. None of It could be seen, but It existed. It was molecules, yet matter; spiritual, yet physical; solid, yet ethereal. It was Mind, Omniscient Mind. Huge…just so huge. I was totally diminished, and yet was totally conscious of Him and this tiny, tiny nothingness that was me. Just He was everywhere present, but no form. Being, just being. No form. Life. Love. Each of those nouns the whole, yet All; each of those, and all—HE. Totally personal, totally non-personal. There, but here. Everywhere whirling, but totally still. Like a boiling caldron, but nothing moving. I saw everywhere in the universe—and it was all God, in one complete Whole. Everything was in Him, yet He was all that could be seen [Acts 17:28 came to me].
I presently find the works of Elisabet Sahtouris, an evolution biologist, futurist, author, speaker and consultant on Living Systems Design, to be similarly profound in describing the cosmic, biological sense of wholeness. It is she who gave pungent meaning to a numinous and powerful dream in which I appeared to be caught up into a white unspeakable whirling "something" that was nothing yet was everything, was outside of me yet inside, that included me yet excluded me, that was whirling dazzlingly beyond description yet was utterly, utterly still, that filled the universe, that included everything that ever was, yet was none of them. I felt, upon awakening, that I had been shown LIFE, that prototypical, archetypal “something” which seemed to me to be atoms and molecules, pre-matter. In "EARTHDANCE: Living Systems in Evolution" (1999), she wrote: "We will probably never know how ancient peoples understood that the first forms to create themselves were whirling white spirals. However they knew, we [scientists with powerful technology, brackets mine] in our own day can actually see just what those first swirling white forms out in space really were. We call them protogalaxies, or first galaxies. And we have learned that whole protogalaxies do dance as whirling white forms in space long before planets evolve within them, and longer before creatures can evolve as parts of planets." To me, this was the biological depiction (imagery) of my numinous dream and the prototypical activity of the Archetype of Wholeness, the Totality, filled with the full complement of potential Archetypes/spirits and creation prior to their emergence.
What It Is to Die
Fannie shared that she was lying abed meditating on what it is to die and step into His Presence. God told her it was not like she was envisioning, and He would show her. All at once, she saw God Most High everywhere at once! This was not form, but the same thing, as Spirit. It was Life without form. She was bathed in LIFE. It was everything… LIFE—active, vibrant, powerful… It was LOVE, PERFECT LOVE, that cannot be explained. Myriad expressions, all ONE. FORM without form. She said, “I want to understand You.”
She related to us: Insight, when it comes into the understanding, is powerful. It cannot be understood with the mind, and there is no way it can be verbalized. Understanding with the spirit of the mind brings principles into mind. Principles are transferable, facts are not. Principles apply across the board, in all disciplines and arenas, and at every level of the hierarchy. Principles can enter the heart; facts cannot.
Quantum science tells us there is matter that cannot be seen; only its effects can be seen. Flesh is spirit made dense and slowed down. It is another state of being. This is illustrated by the solid, liquid, and gases which are all different states of matter. Man is solid, but his spirit should not be. A malleable spirit is like a liquid; it is fluid and flows freely. It is not solid, limited by the rigid confines of rules, regulations, and traditions. A gas is even more free. The Bible says the spirit that is born of The Holy Spirit is like the wind: it blows wherever it will and only its effects can be seen (John 3:8). Ice, water, and steam are the same stuff, but water can go where ice cannot. But water seeks a passageway, whereas steam simply diffuses. The most extraordinary thing about nature is that it just “BE”s. It just IS. But man, the most complex creature of all, has the hardest time of all just “being”. He has a mindset that is debilitating. But a mindset can be broken!
TO DIE IS SIMPLY TO CHANGE ONE MANIFESTATION FOR ANOTHER. ONE STATE FOR ANOTHER. BUT NOT ONE’S REALM.
IN THE DREAM OF THE “WORLD ENDING”, I NOW SEE IT AS CORRESPONDENT TO “INDIVIDUATION”: THE ENDING OF THE FORMER THINGS AND POTENTIALITY FOR UNION WITH GOD (THE TRUE SELF FROM WHICH ALL THINGS CAME AND COME FORTH)
IN THE “WORD” ONE MORNING IMMEDIATELY UPON AWAKENING,
I “HEARD” HIM SAY TO ME, “I AM SATAN”: I NOW SEE THAT AS THE
DIVINE ENEMY WHERE HE SAID HE “WAS TURNED TO BE THEIR ENEMY” ISA.
63:10 [FOE; ADVERSARY; “SHALL THERE BE EVIL IN A CITY AND THE LORD
HATH NOT DONE IT?” AMOS 3:6; ISA 45:7]
A SCROLL WAS LET DOWN FROM HEAVEN BEFORE MY EYES. SCROLLING DOWN THE PAGE, A POINTER STOPPED AT THE WORD: "ANGEL" . IT WAS A DIRECT ANSWER TO A QUESTION BEFORE OUR BIBLE STUDY GROUP.
Fannie said she was caught betwixt and between the Glory of The Lord, unexpressible, the inability to convey that Glory, for expression only diminishes it. At the PIST meeting the previous Friday, He had led her to speak of the body as a temple, and as having more than one body within.
It has been a hunger of hers to find written truth about what she knew to be true, that this outer tabernacle is not the only tabernacle in this flesh. From time to time, she would go searching as He led, because this is one arena she had long been aware of that is fraught with danger. She has seen and been aware of publications that purport to speak of travel out of the body, astral bodies, etc., and she has never wanted even an ounce or fragment of the negative, or fleshly, or mental, or occult. “Occult” can mean arcane or mystery, but it can also mean that realm from which familiar spirits and the dark side, more often than not, hold sway.
After she got home late Friday night, she found herself pondering this that she knew to be true. Yet, she has never found anything with a quality of true spirituality written in that vein. The word “etheric” came to mind, and she began to search it out, but it did not sit well, and she went to bed. Saturday morning after breakfast, she went out to the porch to sit and turn on the T.V. to see the latest news of the troops in Iraq. As she sat down, something so extraordinary happened.
This is what she related to us:
I had to shake my head to look to be sure what was taking place, because a scroll was let down before my eyes. It happened very quickly, and I saw words written, and I saw, it was like a pointer at the side, going down this list that was like a dictionary page that had definitions. All at once I saw the word “angel”, and it became highlighted and kind of moved off the page out at me, and then everything was gone, immediately. All of this happened in probably a nanosecond of time, but my eyes—it was disconcerting, because I was seeing it. I mean, it wasn’t…it’s so difficult to explain. It was there! As soon as I could gather myself, I blinked my eyes to see…Did I see? And I knew I saw. And as soon as I gathered myself and recalled the word the pointer pointed to, I knew exactly what He was saying. I knew I was an angel! I knew it. I knew it! I just knew it! When I explain, you will understand it. And also, in an instant, my concept of an angel totally changed.
Bodies within the Body
There are bodies within the body. It has been scientifically proven that some people can see an aura around bodies, but the bodies are internal, like layers of an onion. One of those bodies is the angelic body. But an angel is not a thing; it is a state of being. There is nothing that exists that is a thing; it is a state of being. For example, a Feeling preference is not a thing; it is a state of intuition and emotional feeling tone. Extraversion is not a thing; it is a state of externality.
God Most High is all there is, and everything is in Him. “In Him we live, and move, and have our being.” (Acts 17:28). One can say that God is the macrocosm—everything that exists everywhere; the universal; the largest entity, that which encompasses all else; the original from which all else derives; the progenitor of all. A microcosm is a small picture of the macrocosm, which is the big picture. The microcosm of God is Man. In God’s realm, everything there is, is in Him. And in Man, everything there is, is in him. God is in you. Christ is in you. There’s an angel in you. All the Archetypes are in you, in personified form.
In Man, the outer body is matter, and the inside is ethereal, spirit. It is the reverse of God, who is Spirit, and in Him is everything that is, as a Whole. Man, too, is a whole, but in the inverted form. Whereas in the heavenly state of being, we are in God, in the earthly state of being, God is in us. God cannot be in us without everything else being in us, for the simple reason that God is in everything! (Does He not fill heaven and earth? Jeremiah 23:24)
Thus there is the potentiality in man for experiencing all of God. In one way, all the manifestations of God as Man are uniquely individual, throughout all of time and space. However, every one of those beings is in each of us, for we have the same genetic makeup. So the potentiality for every single human being who has ever lived or will ever live is in each of us. It is that which makes God, God, that in outer manifestation, each expression is totally unique, but if He so wanted, He could make you from me, and me from you, because the same genetic makeup is in each one. So what, to us, has been a concept of unity, is not just a concept. Unity is real and actual: In Him dwells everything; in me dwells everything; in you dwells everything.
IN THE VISION OF THE SCROLL ON WHICH THE WORD “ANGEL”
STOOD FORTH, I SEE THAT TO BE CORRESPONDENT WITH THE “HIGHEST” HUMAN ATTAINMENT
OF THE MANY-MEMBERED BODY – WHICH, ITSELF IS CORRESPONDENT TO MATTER ?
CELLS ? GENES ? DNA ? MOLECULES ? ATOM ? NUCLEUS,
WHICH IS THE CORE [THE CORE BEING LOVE OUT OF WHICH FLOWS ALL OTHER MANIFESTATIONS
[NAMES] WHEN DIFFERENTIATED. IN UNION, THE NAMES ARE “ONE”.
MAY 1, 2003 Convocation: A Vision
Fannie had shared a great honor given to her. As Wonderful, Merciful Saviour began to play, a vision came to her, and out of a deep spirit of worship, kneeling and weeping, she related what she was seeing to us as a Black woman whose antecedents experienced slavery:
He lets me see, He lets me see my mother, and my mother’s mother, and my mother’s mother’s mother, and oh! my mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother! Oh, my God…oh, my God…oh, my god…oh, my God! He says to me I did not come this way by myself. My God… Oh, God, all for them, too, oh, for them, too! For them, too. Oh, my God…oh, my God…oh, my God! Oh, my God, oh, my God! I see them, I see them! Just a great cloud of witnesses…I see them standing, and the smiles—oh, the smiles! oh, my God…oh, my God…oh, God, oh God, oh, God… Oh, my God… oh, God… Oh, my God. On their backs I got here to where I am in God, on their backs. Glorify them, God, oh God. Thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You!
All those I don’t know… researching their names… Men and women of God. How humbling, how humbling…. How humbling. Just in this moment, He says, “Honor for The Kingdom, and honor for The Ranch!” All those who came before. No privileges. No privileges. Known only to God. Valued by God…. Oh, my God… For His Pleasure. For His Pleasure…. All for His Pleasure…. What a great, great honor! What a great honor!… Slaves! Slaves. Praise Him! Only God! Only God! Hallelujah!
The simplest way I can put it is, He has moved my entire being…the words don’t even begin to express…to…I’d say, to a level that’s unspeakable, truly unspeakable.
OUT OF HIS LIFE IN ME, THERE FLOWS THE ABILITY TO SEE INTO AND KNOW THE INTENTS IN THE HEARTS OF MAN. TOO SEE AND KNOW EACH MAN AS HE IS. BUT ONLY THROUGH THE DEEPEST LOVE.
October, 2003 HE REVEALED TO ME - UPON AWAKENING A FEW DAYS PRIOR TO LEAVE TO LEAD A SKYLAKE RETREAT - HOW IT IS THAT MANKIND HAS BOTH FREE WILL AND YET IS LIMITED IN FINALLY CHOOSING: “IF – THEN”. THE REVELATION AND INSIGHT IS TAKEN FROM A LARGER TEACHING TO THE GROUP THAT WAS PRESENT:
“….Choices. And we all know that choices have consequences. That’s what makes freedom of choices a very difficult thing, a very fruitful thing, a very fearful thing. There is a glory to choosing, but a fear to choosing because of consequences. So, with this in my head, I went to bed and I was troubled in a sense by “Blink” because of the proposition he was putting forth of the many possible futures. And in the fact that God knows everything and if He knows everything, He already knows and if He already knows, where is my choice? But of course, we say He is all knowing, but is that enough to know in intimacy? It wasn’t enough for Him to let me rest in that. How do you know He’s all knowing? You take it by faith. We trust that all men will be saved because we trust God. But His Word says, don’t just trust Me, I want you to follow on to know Me. I went to bed and I said, if You will that all men be saved, how, how do we do that?
Then when I awoke the next morning, He said one word.
When I came awake He said, “Algorithm”.
I’m going to show you how well God has planned my life for this moment in time for me to know what He meant when He said “algorithm”. You may or may not recall when I first began taking courses at Empire State College. One course I took was computer programming. Back then there was no software. I had to learn to write software. You did so by using algorithms. Here’s what algorithm means: IF-–THEN.
You are going to see where free choice comes in and the Omniscience, Omnipotence of God all work together. For me to prove that I had caught all the concepts of programming, I had to prove I knew how to write algorithms.
Now, again, programming is like the archetypes, types, personalities. We’re programmed a certain way. But here again, you say, if I’m programmed, how can I be held responsible if I’m programmed? IF—THEN!!
First, in learning to write software programs, you have to learn “logic” because IF—THEN is pure logic. It’s not intuition, it’s not abstract, it’s absolute logic. First of all, you have to define a goal. And, then, to write a program, you must know what you want the end result to be. For my course credit, I came up with what I wanted to do. I said I will design a plan that will tell me at the end of the year how many miles I drove, how many gallons of gas it took, how many repairs were made and how much that cost and then I’ll know what the cost of driving was. I had to factor in everything about a car - the repairs, the upkeep, etc……because at the end of the year, my goal is to know what was the cost per mile, which will include break downs, everything, the actual cost per mile. I had to devise the software that would tell me this.
And I had to do this all on my own. So that meant I had to say in my software programming, “if gas is ….” – one must leave a blank so I could add the input like cost of the gas per gallon. You have to devise a line that says cost for gas. If the cost is for gas, then it must be told which column or account that cost goes to; add this here, if…you see the IF—THENS? All must be broken down….because you are going to send this to different accounts. I have to do a gas account, a repair account, and a mileage account. If its gas, it will go here, if its repair, it will go here, if its mileage, it will go here. If added, then total……understand? All across the board, if you input, then you’re going to total each time. [The totals are programmed to be given incrementally so one knows the impact and can make changes to stay within a certain budget or whatever the ULTIMATE INTERNAL PLAN OF THE PROGRAMMER IS, which is no doubt even beyond the program stated!]
So at the end of your input, you’re going to have multiple totals at the very end. At the very end – for a monthly view, the programmer will say: if “this”, then “divide by 12”. And you have to come up with all these different strategies for getting to add, to divide, so that you know the actual cost at the very end and to glean a multitude of information that will help to attain the ultimate goal. Understand the concept? IF—THEN.
That’s how God has done it. If you lie, then this. If you love, then this. For every action He designs a reaction that will bring you to the place He knows you have to go in order to get to His goal, every man saved. If you insist on going through hell, you will. But on the other side, He says, if hell, then this. If sorrow is needed, than this. If joy is needed, then this. If loss of a loved one is needed, then this. For every phase of your life, for every possibility. It’s not just one thing, it’s for every possibility. If she doesn’t take my hand, then this. If she chooses him instead of me, then this. IF—THEN! Every step of the way. If this brings her to see, then this. If it doesn’t bring her to see, then this. If this much is needed to see, then this. If this much is needed for her not to see yet, then this.
His Omniscience got a lot bigger to me. A big, big, but an intimate, intimate God. IF—THEN. If she goes out there at 12 o’clock, then this. If she doesn’t go out at 12 o’clock, then this. Every step of the way safeguarded, every step of the way planned. Every step of the way ordered, but only according to our free choice. It’s not Him saying, you are going, she’s going, it’s according IF—THEN. It occurs to me how many times in the Word of God…..IF. There it is, if you will, I will. IF—THEN. If you don’t, then I will…… Every step is ordered from love, not from retribution, not from judging. It feels like it, it seems like it, but It’s not.
Here is His goal, again, I Tim 2:4,6 ~~”Who will have all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus.”
He is LORD!! And it will happen because IF—THEN! And that’s why no man knows the time or hour. It’s totally our choice. He’s moving, He’s patient, He has time according to every choice we make. No man knowth the day or the hour, because no man knows the moves [in our personal algorithms] the Father has to make to get us there.
There are many possible, many possible futures, many. Doesn’t matter…… “I am Love”. You can’t outrun Me, you can’t outwait Me, you can’t go low enough, and you can’t climb high enough, nothing. Not principalities, not powers, not ages, not life nor death, nothing can separate you from My heart. Nothing, nothing. How high, high wide, how long the love of God, there is no end to it. No one ever has nor ever will find the end of the love of God. If you go into hell, I’m there. If you’re in the mud, I am there. The Love of God. IF—THEN. ALGORITHM. Simply put. I have had to learn to program that. If this was what was put in, this was how to get a record of it and work it in. IF—THEN, all programmed.
Here is something even more amazing about my experience. Here is the way Professor Hogsett tested my knowledge. I had to go in the room alone taking my paper, because it’s a long plan of programming and he had to test it to see if someone had written it for me or if I had written it myself. When I had completed putting the program on his computer and running it to see if it was working, I went out and told him I was finished. He went in to the computer while I remained outside, sat down, looked over my program, took out a line and then put one of his own in so that it wouldn’t work. I then had to go in, without the paper this time, and find out where that line was that didn’t work and put in the one that did so that my goal could be achieved. He would then know that I had the knowledge to program it for the result that I wanted. He took out that [perfect line and injected the imperfect line, the “missing the mark”], “the sin”, that changed the [perfect] program. I had to go back in because I knew my program. I could sit down and look at my page [The Lamb’s Book of Life?] and see where the aberration had been put in. Isn’t that Holy? As long as I knew my program, no one could change it and make it come out to something different.
God knows His program. His program is that He wills
that ALL men be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth. Not
the conjectures about Him, not the traditional teachings about Him, not
this denominational teachings nor this denominational teachings, nor this
stream of religiosity, but to come to the knowledge of truth. And
the truth is, God is Love!!
MOST PRECIOUS TO ME ARE THE VISIONS GIVEN ME OF THE MANY LOVE EXPRESSIONS THAT PASS BETWEEN THE BELOVED AND ME, I.E., STANDING BEHIND HIS THRONE AND LAYING MY HEAD ON HIS; LIGHTLY TOUCHING HIS HAIR; KNEELING BEHIND HIS THRONE IN WORSHIP OF HIS GLORY AND BEAUTY.
HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAD MANY NAMES, THAT HIS ATTRIBUTES WERE MANY AND THAT EACH WERE SO HOLY THAT EACH WAS A GOD, I.E., EL SHADDAI, EL RAPHA AND THAT THAT WAS THE MEANING OF “THE LORD OUR GOD IS ONE” [A MULTI-FACETED, MULTI-MEMBERED UNITY OR WHOLE]. EACH SEPARATELY WAS A SON (A MEMBER OF THE UNITY). LIKE GOD MOST HIGH BUT NOT THE WHOLE. THAT AS HE IS MANY-MEMBERED, SO CHRIST IS MANY-MEMBERED, SO THE CHURCH IS MANY-MEMBERED. SO ALSO IS MAN. CORPORATE IN THE UNITY OF ONE.
2004: THE BELOVED REVEALED THAT A NEW STAGE WAS
FROM THAT MOMENT, HE BEGAN TO UNFOLD SCRIPTURES ON A DEEPER LEVEL THAN EVER BEFORE. TOO MANY AND TOO DEEP TO MENTION HEREIN WITHOUT LAYING BIBLICAL FOUNDATIONS. ONE, IN PARTICULAR, THOUGH, WAS:
HE REVEALED TO ME THAT JESUS NOW HAS A NEW NAME [THAT CHRIST HAD MINISTERED TO THOSE THROUGHOUT THE OLD TESTAMENT AND THAT JESUS THE CHRIST WAS THE NAME OF HE WHO WAS SENT TO REACH THE GENTILES (THE NEW COVENANT); UPON HIS ASCENSION TO THE THRONE OF GOD, OVERCOMING DEATH AND HELL, HE NOW HAD A NEW NAME AND AT THAT NAME OF JESUS EVERY KNEE SHALL BOW AND EVERY TONGUE CONFESS THAT HE IS LORD TO THE GLORY OF GOD THE FATHER].
REV. 3:12 HIM THAT OVERCOMETH WILL I MAKE A PILLAR IN
THE TEMPLE OF MY GOD, AND HE SHALL GO NO MORE OUT: AND I WILL WRITE
UPON HIM THE NAME OF MY GOD, AND THE NAME OF THE CITY OF MY GOD, WHICH
IS NEW JERUSALEM, WHICH COMETH DOWN OUT OF HEAVEN FROM MY GOD: AND I WILL
WRITE UPON HIM MY NEW NAME.
REV. 19:12 “HIS EYES WERE AS A FLAME OF FIRE, AND ON HIS HEAD WERE MANY CROWNS; AND HE HAD A NAME WRITTEN, THAT NO MAN KNEW, BUT HE HIMSELF.” THE NAME, JESUS, WAS KNOWN SO IT BECAME IMMEDIATELY OBVIOUS TO ME THAT THAT WAS NO LONGER THE NAME. THAT, IN FACT, THE REVELATIONS WAS ABOUT THE REVEALING OF WHO JESUS REALLY WAS. THAT JESUS WAS HIS EARTH NAME TO REACH THE GENTILES, BUT NOW HAD THE NAME WHICH WAS FAR ABOVE EVERY NAME. HE TOLD ME THE NAME. AND I BOWED.
REV. 19:16 “AND HE HATH ON HIS VESTURE AND ON HIS
THIGH A NAME WRITTEN, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.” THAT NEW
NAME HE REVEALED TO ME IS, INDEED, INDICATIVE OF BEING KING OF KINGS
AND THE LORD OF LORDS! AS SOON AS I WAS TOLD THE NAME, I SAID,
“WHY, OF COURSE!!”
FROM 1977 TO DATE: BORN AND TAUGHT OF GOD:
“DO NOT PLAN. OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND I WILL FILL IT” HE TOLD ME IN THE FALL
OF 1977 – AND HAS BEEN OPENING THE DEEP THINGS OF GOD UNTO ME FOR 28 YEARS.
THE BELOVED HAS POURED KNOWLEDGE INTO ME THAT, TO ME HAS
BEEN STAGGERING TO BEHOLD. THIS BREADTH OF KNOWLEDGE SPANS THE SCIENCES,
POLITICS, PSYCHOLOGY, THE SOCIAL SCIENCES, THE SCRIPTURES - INDEED, IT
SEEMS EVERY FACET OF LIFE. HE EVEN TAUGHT ME INTERNET WEBMASTERING
WITHOUT THE USE OF A TEXTBOOK. THE FOLLOWING IS SHARED IN THE WONDER
OF HIS DOINGS AND TO DEMONSTRATE THE POWER OF GOD TO GRIP ONE WITH HIS
HOLY SPIRIT AND DO GREAT EXPLOITS FROM WITHIN THE VEIL. BEAR IN MIND
THIS ONE OF WHICH I GIVE TESTIMONY IS AS A BLACK WOMAN WHO GREW UP
POOR IN A GHETTO IN PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA. THIS INCLUDES A DOCTORATE
OBTAINED ON JANUARY 2, 2002, FORTY-TWO YEARS TO THE DAY AFTER MY BAPTISM
IN THE HOLY GHOST ----AT THE AGE OF 68 YEARS. GOD ONLY.:
Psychologist, Psy. D.
Diplomate, American Psychotherapy Association
Diplomate, American College of Forensic Examiners
American Academy of Certified Consultants and Experts
American Association of Christian Counselors
American Psychological Association
Doctorate Degree, Hamilton University
Counseling Psychology 2002
Master of Arts Degree, Liberty University
Bachelor of Science Degree, State University of New York, Empire State College
Psychology and Human Resources 1986
1986 - PSYCHOLOGIST (Private Practice), Consultant,
Lecturer, Writer, Webmaster
1980 - OWNER, ISHI Recording Studio
1965 – 1984 CONCERT SOPRANO, International Stage, Recording Artist
2002 - Corporate Board Member, United Health Services
2000 - Member, Binghamton University Harpur Forum
1998 - Board of Directors, Roberson Museum and Science Center Foundation
1998 - 2000 Systems Planning Committee, United Health Services Hospitals, Inc.
1992 - Chairman (2000 - ), Board of Directors, Stewart W. And Willma C. Hoyt Foundation
1993 – Founder, Chairman, Board of Directors, Personality Institute of the Southern Tier
1993 – 1998 Ethics Committee, United Health Services Hospitals, Inc.
1993 - Chairman, Board of Directors, Eckelberger Towers, UHS
1993 - Honorary Member, Board of Directors, Birthright Inc.
1991 – 1996 Board of Directors, Planning Committee, Southern Tier Institute for the Arts in Education
1989 - 2000 Board of Directors, United Health Services Hospitals, Inc.
1990 - 2000 Vice-Chairman, Planning Committee, United Health Services Hospitals, Inc.
1990 – 1996 Board of Directors, Roberson Museum and Science Center
--1992 Fundraising Campaign Chairman
1987 – 1993 Chairman, Spokesperson, Binghamton Police and Citizens Community Group
1977 – 1990 Member, Six-county New York-Pennsylvania Health Systems Agency
1977 -- Bible Studies Teacher [with thousands of teaching tapes over 27 years]
Association for Psychological Type
Personality Institute of the Southern Tier
American Psychotherapy Association
American College of Forensic Examiners
American Academy of Certified Consultants and Experts
American Association of Christian Counselors
American Psychological Association
Award of Merit, Eastern Region, Association for Psychological Type, 2002
Recognition Award, Community Activism, Broome County Council of Churches, 2001
“Fannie Linder Day” by virtue of State Senate and Representative
Proclamation, May 2001
Lucia Humanitarian Award, 1999
Personality Institute of the Southern Tier Recognition Award, 1999
Marquis Who’s Who in the East, the World, etc. 1995 – 2003 Editions
Recipient, Certificate of Appreciation, The General Commission on Chaplains and Armed Forces Personnel, 1970
Outstanding Young Women of America, 1965
In the field of Personality Theory:
“Personality and Spirituality: A Religious Perspective”
(Lecturer in the field)
“Myers-Briggs Personality Theory:
The 16 Types in Brief”
“Myers-Briggs Personality Theory:
The 16 Types in Depth”
“Can You Say It Another Way: A Second Helping of
Preferences, The Dominant, The Auxiliary,
The Tertiary and The Inferior”
ALTHOUGH GOD HAD BEEN TEACHING ME TO READ ON EVERY SUBJECT THROUGHOUT THE YEARS, IT HAD NEVER BEEN A PERSONAL INTENT TO OBTAIN ANY DEGREE. AROUND 1979, IN ORDER TO BETTER PREPARE ME FOR BIBLE STUDIES CLASSES HE HAD RAISED UP, I WAS LED OF GOD TO ENROLL AT THE LOCAL COMMUNITY COLLEGE AS AN AUDITING STUDENT, NOT A MATRICULATING ONE. I WAS CONSCIOUS OF BEING 30 YEARS OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL. AS AN AUDITING STUDENT, MINE WAS THE ONLY A ON A MIDTERM EXAM ALTHOUGH IT DID NOT COUNT FOR CREDIT. HE THEN LED ME TO TAKE ANOTHER COURSE, AUDITING IT ALSO. I RECEIVED 103 ON THE FINAL EXAM, HAVING ALSO GAINED EXTRA CREDIT. I NOW SAW THAT GOD WAS BUILDING MY CONFIDENCE TO MOVE FORWARD AND HE LED ME TO FORMALLY ENTER A UNIVERSITY IN ORDER TO GAIN A BACHELOR’S DEGREE. EVEN THOUGH I HAD BEEN ABSENTED FROM SCHOOL FOR OVER 30 YEARS AND HAD ABSOLUTELY NO KNOWLEDGE OF “NEW MATH”, I OBTAINED AN A IN UNIVERSITY ALGEBRA.
I ACHIEVED 12 CREDITS IN STATISTICS – THE MOST FAILED COLLEGE COURSE – WITH AN A IN COURSE WORK AND B OVERALL. I WAS ABLE TO LEARN COMPUTER PROGRAMMING AND DEVELOPED A SOFTWARE PROGRAM.
UNKNOWN TO ME, GOD HAD BEEN STUFFING ME WITH ACADEMIC KNOWLEDGE THROUGH THE MANY YEARS OF READING THAT HE PRESENTED TO ME TO THE EXTENT THAT, BY DEMONSTRATING COURSE KNOWLEDGE, I WAS A CREDITED WITH ENOUGH CREDITS TO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO RECEIVE TWO BACHELOR’S DEGREES. ANOTHER INCREDIBLE THING WAS THAT WHEN I WAS REQUIRED TO TAKE “LOGIC” PRIOR TO THE COMPUTER PROGRAMMING COURSE, WITHOUT ANY KNOWING HOW, I ALWAYS KNEW THE ANSWERS EVEN THOUGH I COULD NOT WORK OUT THE FORMULAS FOR ARRIVING AT THE ANSWERS! SO THAT, EVEN THOUGH I WAS 100 PERCENT CORRECT ON EXAMINATIONS, THE PROFESSOR REFUSED TO GIVE ME THE A BECAUSE I COULD NOT DO IT HIS WAY. I EARNED A B FOR 100 PERCENT CORRECT EXAMS BECAUSE OF THAT. YET, THE 100 PERCENT CORRECT WAS A TESTIMONY TO THE MIND OF CHRIST WHICH HAD BECOME MINE IN MEETING THE CHALLENGES, TOO, IN THE “OUTSIDE” WORLD.
HE THEN LED ME TO MATRICULATE AT LIBERTY UNIVERSITY TO RECEIVE A MASTER’S DEGREE IN COUNSELLING BECAUSE THE SCHOOL HAD THE CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE. AGAIN, I GAINED CREDITS BY EVALUATION AND, TOGETHER WITH MATRICULATED CREDITS, I EARNED THE MASTER’S DEGREE.
IT WAS FULLY 12 YEARS LATER, IN 2002, THAT GOD LED ME
TO BE RECOMMENDED TO A SCHOOL FOR THE DOCTORATE DEGREE. BASED UPON
10 YEARS OF PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE, ALL THAT WAS REQUIRED OF ME WAS THE
DOCTORAL THESIS. GOD HAD ALREADY WRITTEN ONE THROUGH ME [UNBEKNOWNST
TO ME!] WHICH WAS A DETAILED BIBLE STUDY DONE UTILIZING HEBREW AND GREEK
TRANSLITERATIONS CORRELATING THE PRINCIPALITIES, POWERS, AND ANGELS IN
THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS WITH THE ARCHETYPES IN JUNGIAN ANALYTICAL PSYCHOLOGY.
THE REVIEWING COMMITTEE ACCEPTED THE TOPIC AND, ONCE MY STUDY HAD BEEN
FORMATTED ACCORDING TO ACCEPTED THESIS STANDARDS, THE DOCTORATE WAS OBTAINED.
MIRACULOUS. ONLY GOD. TO THIS DAY, MY MOUTH IS AGAPE IN WONDER:
A LITTLE POOR BLACK GIRL FROM A GHETTO EARNING A BACHELOR’S DEGREE, A MASTER’S
DEGREE AND A DOCTORATE DEGREE, ALL PAST THE AGE OF 50 YEARS! ONLY
GOD. I BOW CONTINUALLY BEFORE HIM. HIS MIRACLES ARE NOT ONLY
O, OBSERVE THE MIGHTY, MIGHTY WORKS OF GOD.
ALWAYS, ALWAYS – NO MATTER THE VENUES INTO WHICH HE TOOK
ME – I BECAME THE “HEAD” AND NOT “THE TAIL”, EVEN TO BEING ELECTED CHAIRMAN
OF THE BOARD BY STALWART CEO’S OF CORPORATIONS, HEAD OF CORPORATE
LAW FIRMS AND OTHER NATIONAL BUSINESS LEADERS. O, OBSERVE THE MIGHTY,
MIGHTY WORKS OF GOD. O, THE MIGHTY, MIGHTY MIND OF CHRIST.
I BOW BEFORE THE ALMIGHTY GOD AND STAND AMAZED AT HIS WONDERFUL WORKS AND
HIS WAYS OF MANIFESTING HIS GREATNESS IN THE AFFAIRS OF MAN – INTERNALLY
AND EXTERNALLY. MADE WHOLE. HE MADE ME WHOLE AND HE WAS DEMONSTRATING
IT AND MANIFESTING IT.
GREAT, GREAT SUFFERINGS, BODILY AND INTERCESSORY, WITH
NO ILL EFFECTS EVER SHOWING UP ON PHYSICAL EXAMS AND TESTS.
TRULY, THE HALF CANNOT BE TOLD. I AM ASTOUNDED AT THE BREADTH AND DEPTH OF DREAMS AND VISIONS IN THE ACCOUNTING OF THIS REVIEW SUPPLIED TO ME MOSTLY BY THOSE WHO HAVE SAT UNDER MY TEACHINGS FROM THEIR NOTES KEPT THROUGH THE YEARS FOR I HAVE NOT KEPT AN ACTIVE ACCOUNT OF THEM. THESE ARE ONLY THE REMAINING ONES FOR THESE SUCH ARE DAILY OCCURENCES IN MY LIFE. THE BELOVED CONTINUES TO ADD TO NUMBER OF THE REMEMBRANCE OF THEM. I STAND AMAZED AS I HAD NEVER PUT THEM DOWN OR “COUNTED” THEM. I HAVE SIMPLY WALKED IN HIM AND HE OUT OF ME IN COMPLETE AND TOTAL ADORATION. OF EACH OTHER.
THOSE FEW WITH EARS TO HEAR WILL HEAR THAT WHICH CAN BE TOLD. BUT, TRULY, MOST OF THIS MOST INTIMATE LIFE WILL NOT, NOR CAN EVER BE TOLD. NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE IT. IT IS DIFFICULT EVEN FOR ME TO FATHOM. AMAZING. A POEM HE WROTE THROUGH ME IS A GLORIOUS EXPRESSION OF HIS MIGHTY WORKS IN ME:
Remade in His image.
What an awesome thought!
Authority conferred upon dust -
Virtue wrapped in weakness -
Glory bestowed by Grace -
Upon HIS recommendation,
With His express consent.
This is more meaningful to me these recent days than ever before.
HE WROTE YET AGAIN THROUGH ME:
"My Wind Chimes"
They talk to me. The wind chimes...dangling gracefully
along the edge of the railing encircling my newly constructed patio/deck.
They do not fight the stillness of unmoving air, resting quietly until
it alone enlivens them to ride its peaceful currents, swirls of gentle
gusts crossing that quiet and private and golden space to which I escape
as often as opportunity draws me.
They sound as if unseen hands move tiny mallets against the burnished and polished surfaces of their slender, languidly hanging tubes, a private concert just for my exquisite pleasure, to see if I am "listening".
And I learn from them.
I hear what strangely moving tinkling ripples flow forth from them as they hang suspended, surrendered to arbitrary movements of breath which makes one wonder from whence it comes, wondering if some unseen Presence, too, delights to hear the sweet, melodious and graceful notes ripple across the private space preserved for my quiet contemplations.
I’ve learned to allow those same sweet gentle sounds to unforcedly emerge from my formed frame as I "hang suspended, surrendered to arbitrary movements of breath" of Spirit Holy, not fighting the stillness of unmoving quiet nor resisting the howls of air announcing the forcefulness of storms not yet come but anticipating the strength of their arrival.
I hear them in unexpected moments of grace - while puttering in my kitchen or lying abed, slightly perspiring in the stillness and the darkness of a warm and sultry night or in the first approaching light of dawn. Their delicate and sensual tones never fail to call forth from me a wordless recognition of a stirring in the depths of me - perhaps "deep calling unto deep"?
Inanimate objects cannot know the joy they bring in such spectacular simplicity, but perhaps the unseen Presence knows for, perhaps, they are the instruments upon which HE plays to bring my soul this precious and unpurchasable delight.